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"Donegal Eden"

Our island heaven

Cut off whenever high tide

Covered the causeway.

Secluded from prying eyes

Caz fell in love at first sight.

 

When the tide went out

We drove across the wet strand

Parking in the dunes

The van inadvertently

Bedded in axle deep sand.

 

Stuck fast but Caz laughed

Cracked open a bottle of rum

We watched the sun set

Over Arranmore and kissed

Each other and blessed the stars.

 

There was a rock pool

Waist deep, spring water fresh filled

Heated by the sun

Washed out by the evening tide

Our jacuzzi, hot tub, spa.

 

We lived like sand boys

Happy, naked and drunken

Running and swimming

Campfire, singing and dancing

Loving, lost in each other.

 

At holidays’ end

A local towed the van free

Refusing reward

Patted his wallet, smirked, said

“These pictures – payment enough”.

 

Driving home silent

Leaving Donegal behind

Was hard for us both

Caz goodbyed at Biggleswade

I did not see her again.

 

I heard she’s wed now

With a son looks just like me.

I wrote, no replies.

I hope she remembers us

On our beach in paradise.

 

◄ "Let's All Go to Lisdoonvarna"

"Caz - End of the Affair" ►

Comments

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Rick Gammon

Fri 23rd Sep 2016 22:24

I used to dash off haikus while on buses - probably wrote hundreds - but not particularly good stuff - then on "countdown" one afternoon the word 'tanka' came up and I was intrigued - I find the 5 line strict syllable format useful for keeping my free form nature in check ?

I think of tanka as pregnant haiku ?

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Harry O'Neill

Fri 23rd Sep 2016 14:09


Rick,
Cumputer glips and the mad politics at the moment have
delayed me getting back to this.

The Tanka form in this makes it look (for me) more like
a poem. I see that originally all thirty one syllables were
written in one line (which could be tried in the kind of
prose-poems we get on here at times) but I think your way
of doing it in stanzas looks better...I particularly like the
way the double seven syllables at stanza-end `works` (you
could think of various uses) Standardizing the line-breaks
also helps to concentrate the composition-it kind of `pods`
the story.

Laura done something similar with the haiku form which I
liked, but the space afforded by the extra syllables in Tanka
is very promising....Keep `em coming.

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Rick Gammon

Sun 18th Sep 2016 11:52

Thanks again, Colin - Biggleswade replaced the original Holyhead - it has 3 syllables (syllable count when you're counting syllables ? ) and I wanted somewhere prosaic to equate with Caz's opting for marriage and mundanity after our heady time on Cruit Island. ?

My affair with Caz did not end there, really, but like all these things...

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