I said, "Don’t love me,

‘we’ can never ever be".

I said another

held my heart, my hopes, my dreams.

She heard, but Caz did not...'hear'.

 

We had days of fun.

Romping nights of lusting. All

overshadowed by

that other lover lurking,

behind doors of memory.

 

Caz tried to ask me

if my, “Darling I love you”

whispers were for her

or aimed at the other one.

I could not reply truly.

 

I had no answer

For her insecurity

No reassurance

no unguent, no platitude,

nothing but poignant silence.

 

Through winter evenings

We stared at embers glowing

in our Queenie stove.

Eating buttered toast. Drinking

special recipe mulled wine,

 

With each fond gesture

Met with a trite, “Thanks, Darling.”

And clink of glasses

we played games of 'make believe'.

Caz, and I, were both victims,

 

Clinging together.

Lost souls.  At best, second best.

Damaged goods, flotsam

Detritus overboard from

ships colliding in the night.

 

Her heart was broken

when I said, “It's done. No more”.

I stare at embers

now, alone, and wondering.

Wondering and wondering.