Want more radiant skin?

Go live in Chernobyl

 

Need to shed a few pounds?

Go live in Ethiopia

 

Want people to stop calling you racist?

Cut both your hands off, then your tongue

Try not to glug

  

Need people to stop calling you homophobic?

Go shag a Queer

 

Want to learn how to understand irony?

You can’t – there are no books on it.

 

Need to believe?

Try anything

 

Want colonic irrigation?

Try certain WOL discussion threads

 

Need a life?

Go get one.