Its so much easier

not thinking for yourself

To not be yourself

To not care for yourself.

 

You hurt less people

You don’t get in the way

You make people happy

Your feelings just go away.

 

Deep down inside

You know you are screwed

That one day soon

Someone is going to wake

Something inside of you.

 

Confusing how its not yourself

That opened up the hell.

To think of yourself.

To bring up cross roads

Of making a choice

Between me or everybody else

 

The feelings are killer

You feel happy

Having what's been long gone

But you mourn for the feelings

For other people you have lost.

 

The pain is unbearable

But the pain on failing yourself

Is what will kill you.

To lead both lives will eat you

 

Things will never be the same

Not when you keep thinking

Things should now go your way.

You cant just stuff it back in its box

Not when you dread the feeling

Of again being in the dark

feeling so lost.

 

Praying day and night

To have someone else

fight this fight

Nothing changes

they are waiting

On you to choose.

You got to hope you are right

There's so much to lose

 

The pain of staring

yourself in the face.

The ache of waiting

on what you decide.

The needing to know now

how its going to turn out.

 

It hurts every part of me.

I hate myself

For finally seeing.