I understand, I know.

When you look at me

I'm not much else but a ghost.

That needs to let go…

Not everything you've done to me

I've been trying so hard to fix my problems

I've turned are lives into one

Its not you

Understand this for me

 

You work hard for your girls

I understand I'm disappointing

My words hurt I know

I wish you could see the dark place

From where they are pulled

You wouldn’t judge me

You'd see this place

Realizing you cant save me.

Its too torturous to reach me there.

 

This world I put myself, puts me down.

The words of hate I've lived

My life hearing is how I lose focus and drown.

Your love is not deep enough

I've pretended

tried to believe You could do it

instead I've burned you

Anytime you come near.

 

There's never much for you to do

but watch me battle my demons

That control all of who I am

Never being the person you thought

Who together we'd grow Peacefully old.

The more and more you sat miserably watching

I give it up to you for trying.

But you know

You don’t deserve any of this.

Why you hold on to me

And throw out these memories

Is confusing.

They kill me

 

People call it love

all I see is your face scared of me.

I'll tell you now you have never had 100%

of me since I was sixteen.

Its not your fault.

Please know you are not the problems

I have fought.

I've done this to myself

really I've been trying to solve my issues.

I'm guilty for dragging you with me.

 

You should be taken care of

Loved everyday

returning all the love

That I took away

I patched my gaping wound

with you.

Seriously I watched it consume you.

Turn you into a man

that thinks he is as worthless as I am.

When it was I that has fucked you.

 

To be honest this isn't me.

I can tell you I never known myself

But you may never believe me.

I'm suppose to be better then this

And I cant find out how to fix this.

 

Its not by using you

which I'm seeing it is exactly

what has been hurting me and you

I'm seriously sorry

putting you through that

I don’t want you to live your life

with making you mostly sad.

I don’t believe in myself

I'm teaching you how to do it as well.

I've got to be alone on this

When what you have

cant pull me out of this.

You were not made for this

God wouldn’t bless such a deserving man

with such a difficult hardship.

 

I've turned this into such a shitty relationship.

Hate me.

Get this over with.

I cant take this guilt.

And now I know I deserve a life time of it.

Believe me when I say,

everyday I feel so sick.

Its only me

that I'm disappointed with.