The Echoes poetry competition to celebrate Write Out Loud's 20th anniversary is now open.  Judged by Neil Astley.

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JACK

Jack Walton was his name

Jack by name and Jack by nature

Jack the lad in fact

and a very naughty boy was he

around the time of fifty-three

 

beyond redemption in the classroom

defiant and damned right from the start

Jekyll and Hyde a friend of sorts

unsmashable by deeds and thoughts

 

I could have lost my sight one day

when a metal tube he threw my way

his father owned a gun from the war

in the hands of his son that son of a gun

scattered us boys like birds for fun

 

Overtaking on a bend

his life abruptly came to an end

his reputation in a moment scattered

in a dream of conquest that hardly mattered

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🌷(2)

◄ RECUMBENT

GET CARTER (Jack's Return Home) ►

Comments

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raypool

Wed 9th Nov 2016 11:59

Thanks Colin - I wasn't happy either . Hope you like the alternative now ! You're drawing on the American trip again, I like it. This guy really epitomized a complete attitude to life and I doubt if he would have reached a decent age. He was the same age as me three score and thirteen at the present count.
Appreciate your frank opinion.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 9th Nov 2016 08:49

well I don't remember a Jack Walton when I visited the Walton's Mountain Museum in Schuyler, Virginia - maybe this was a renegade cousin let loose in the southern states of the UK in an ill thought out depression era exchange programme? - not that you're that old I should add - are you? - throw me a ladder I need to climb out of this hole!

jokes aside - another great poem Ray - third verse a gem.

however, I feel you lose your stride a little in the last 4 lines both with flow and choice of rhymes. With respect as always. Colin

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