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Wishing Well

The words overfell,

to the wishing, wishing well,

where the sun and the rain never glow.

And the girls and the boys,

titter tatter with their toys,

on the side of the wishing, wishing well.

 

The words ripple through

all the deep and darkened blue,

through the waves and the salt of the sea.

To a cave in the depths,

where they yawn and then collapse,

after swimming their long journey.

 

A man hobbles on,

pitter patter through his lawn,

his feet sinking into the sand.

He conjures all the words,

through the sea and to the birds,

and they're taken out of water, to the land.

 

They are dropped to a girl,

who wears a tiny little pearl,

that emits a stream of golden light.

She reads herself the hopes,

rides a daunting antelope,

and speeds off away through the night.

 

She stops the girls and boys,

and they put down all their toys,

and she hands them a gift of their own.

They write letters for the birds,

to the man who took their words,

and the girl rides to where the sun had shone.

 

So little boys and girls,

If you see a girl with pearls,

give her thanks before she can go.

For the words that overfell,

to the wishing, wishing well,

where the sun and the rain never glow.

 

 

◄ Dreams

Random Hand From the Sky ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (13762)

Thu 10th Nov 2016 08:37

Hi Claire, glad to hear my suggestions didn't fill you with horror - try this when you get stuck with rhymes but don't tell anyone I suggested it:

http://www.rhymezone.com/

C?L

Claire

Thu 10th Nov 2016 01:34

I love hearing your suggestions, Collin. I am not the most experienced in writing poetry, especially not poetry like this. I wrote a story about a wishing well and I wanted to see if I could put it into a poem. It didn't work too well, I'll admit. In the story, the little girl actually wore a diamond and she rode a horse, but unfortunately, "diamond" doesn't rhyme with "girl" and "horse" doesn't rhyme with "hope".

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 9th Nov 2016 08:14

There is a lovely thread running through this poem Claire but it unravels and gets lost along the way. I would suggest not rushing to post, keep reading through, out loud if necessary, to hear the words - ask yourself, does it flow?

For example: 'The words ripple through all the deep and darkened blue' is lovely and reads well - but the following line: 'through the waves and the salt of the sea. To a cave in the depths' feels awkward.

Counting and matching syllables helps as too does avoiding repeating words like 'the' - 'the waves the salt the sea'.

There is a magical fairy tale feel to the story but I would also suggest trying to avoid using any random word just because it rhymes. I'm thinking here of 'antelope' to rhyme with 'hopes'. Perhaps this whole poem is based around a dream where you or the girl rides an antelope but put into the context of a poem even dream images can seem a little daft.

So anyways, I'll shut up now and hope you don't mind hearing my suggestions. All the best and thanks for posting.

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