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Afghanistan 2 (The Retreat)

We had walked unwashed for days

exhausted both in body and mind,

we needed shelter, rest, and

as we approached the village

respite seemed at hand, yet

we stopped,

something was wrong.

 

We had fought and we had lost and

were now in retreat,

our enemy in pursuit of the remnants of

our once gallent force,

yet, we stopped,

in these hill villages you are

first greeted by the barking village dogs

then by the half starved children,

but now, nothing but silence.

 

Our senses alert

we moved forward, then

the smell hit us,

God , what an awful stench of

death and decay,

of bloated bodies both young and old.

 

They had placed the heads of our comrades on poles

eyes and tongues removed,

notes were attached to the poles,

"go now heathen, go now

 do not return to

 this Holy Land".

 

We moved slowly through the village

our small band spared,

for whatever reason

we would never know,

but of our comrades that followed?,

strange thing to tell

but as we left the village

the wind chimes began to chime,

I like to think it was the souls

of our comrades bidding us farewell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

◄ Afghanistan 1 (Burnt Sticks)

Snake ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (6484)

Mon 14th Sep 2009 13:33

Thanks Spencer, glad you enjoyed it.
Bernie

<Deleted User> (6484)

Mon 14th Sep 2009 13:32

Thanks Steve, edit as been done as suggested.
Bernie

<Deleted User> (5973)

Sun 13th Sep 2009 21:43

The image is there Bernie, I am glad to hell I wasn't. As I said before you have a good book writing technique going on and it could easily be the start,middle or end of a film.
Nice one
Spencer

Profile image

garside

Fri 11th Sep 2009 19:37

Hi Bernie

i like the way this reads - it's feel like the bones of a short story - i have read the part one bit too and if i was to update this i'd lose any word not needed and tighten the stanzas

eg

We had been walking for days

unwashed, unshaven, tired,

could become -

We walked unwashed for days

or Unwashed, we walked for days

unshaven and tired i dont think are needed words - if i walked for days without a wash then no doubt i'd be tired and in need of a shave

good stuff

steve x

<Deleted User> (6484)

Fri 11th Sep 2009 09:34

Thanks Mate.
Bernie

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