I watched the sun rise through the trees.
It spoke of renewal and energy.
A singular bright orange sphere of hope
drifting slickly over the hills and sea,
now rising higher with instinctive intent
until a collection of clouds wrap themselves around it
like an ethereal lampshade.
Love the evocative imagery of the poem. My instructors taught me that if you can make the reader see, smell, hear, taste, or feel your poem, then you are a true artist. You've painted a picture here that I can definitely see. It's a great piece. Kudos.
I agree with Colin, we should celebrate sunrise more readily.
You say renewal and energy, I say reassurance too.
A lovely piece, succinct but conveying wonder.
Only word I'd change is slickly, it feels to sharp for me.
good work
Graham
Thanks Colin. Mantras do work for some people. Sets the tone for the day I guess. Same here, I tend to forget.
Takes discipline.
R
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sat 4th Feb 2017 08:40
I like a good morning mantra Raj, I just forget to utter them when I wake. Sun is shining here this morning so your words have worked. Have a good day my friend ?
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Raj Ferds
Sat 4th Feb 2017 17:56
Thanks Graham and Randall.
Glad you both enjoyed it.
Graham I quite agree, the work slickly does look a bit odd and out of place now that I look at it.
Raj