Every year after the party season some of us use the beginning of this period as an easy to remember starting point from which we pledge to banish an accumulation of dodgy habits health threatening or otherwise out of our lifestyle. But with very few lacking the determination to see them through.
This poem contrary to the usual outcome is the story of one middle-aged individual scared into success.

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

Christmas over...good cheer gone stale
cause and effect drinking beer by the pail
post with good wishes still there on the mat
can't pick them up...am too f'kin fat.

Sluggish lethargic toxin polluted
oversized arse in the armchair well rooted
from high flying flows...to miserable ebbs
smell like a vat...of last New Year eve's dregs

Felt rough this morning looked sickly and pale
letterbox rattles with incoming mail
shit, shower...heave myself on the scale
a peep over stomach...brings pitiful moan
read out announces...eighteen 'n half stone.
 Impressive, imposing...if six foot three
barrel of lard...if your short arsed like me

Really went over the top last year
abused meself with all sorts of gear
to get back in shape...inexpensive solution
I tried an intensive...New Year resolution
it's for a long time...and I'm not all that keen.
But been told if I don't
"Won't see Christmas...Eighteen"

Enrolled at the Gym and on waddling in
 introduce me to Stan "the man with a plan
to eradicate poundage...get back fit and thin
 starts in with a pep talk..."So important to win"
 catalogues fat bits...and when to begin

"Quarter pound ear lobes...eyes sunken and hid
to expose each again...needs a lipo-sucked lid. 
It takes twelve months...on salads and gherkins
to restore firm flat six packs
from nine gallon firkins.
  Determined single-minded strict adherence to instruction  
will invigorate vitality...toned muscle reconstruction. 

  It's over thank God...wasn't much fun
tempting smells from the chippie 
I'd resisted and won
having lost so much weight...I'm pathetically thin
through unstinting hard graft...and will power.
 And to stay this way...exercise every day 
 Running round...to get wet in the shower.