When the sun shines, and the moon glistens, I talk to you. I hear the planes up ahead and wonder if it's you. I stay up all night, just because maybe one day you'll call text, email or just appear. But the day's end, summer comes and they grow longer. I wait more and I plead God to grant me this wish. Please, please, grant me my Mother. But day after day, family sways, nobody calls and i think its my fault. All of a sudden I think to myself, maybe I did it? Maybe I ruined us? And everyday this feeling grew stronger, and everyday everyone got farther. My own blood, where had it gone. I had no sisters, no brothers, no mothers no fathers! Grandma was sick and so was my grandpa. I cry to myself, I wonder I wonder. Why haven't they called. And year after year, my birthday comes. I grow and I grow but my heart narrows. I expand my mind to find all these answers, but the truth only lies in your bed tonight. I will never forget and but I have always forgiven. Perhaps if I forgot, then I could move on. But at this point in life, it's not that I forget you to be able to forgive, it's that I forgot the reason I forgave. I loved one senselessly, but was never acknowledged. I felt so alone, shook, cried in bed alone. Somehow as unbalanced as everyday in my life is, I left the abusive and I will never return. That man left me broken and the woman never looked back. I wish I could mean it when I say I forgave. But I think that deep inside, the reason I'm so hurt. Is you promised me roses but forgot about the thorns. And meanwhile in life, you have grown and I see. I'm sorry to say that I have hurt and still do to you. But forever I shall grant myself this one true pleasure, to say that I got to talk to you once more. Forever Lost and forever confused, one day this tragedy will be my story, and I hope that as you read the daily, and you see the real me, that you take the time to see, 

That yes I can cry to you for hours. I can blame you for the shame. But for once in my life I'll say it, you somehow made me amazing. I'm broken inside, but I have strong walls. I'll just take those bricks and build myself back up. My cement will be my past, and my bricks will be my future. Everyday as I destroy my wall, I suddenly get stronger. I love you dear mother, I'm sorry we lived this shit. But slowly day after day. I'll learn to love you the way, I'm trying to love myself.