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I, Once Removed

I've no mind to lose

or gain

A mind unused

can feel no pain

 

 - the kind borne out

Of overthought

By minds intense

and overwrought.

 

Joy, too, is futile,

A fleeting thing

To which the docile

hearts will cling.

 

So what of me

When all is done?

Actions, many

Feelings, one

 

For what I know

I knew not then

Those years ago

Before the pen. 

🌷(2)

◄ Truck

Under a Different Cloud ►

Comments

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Sat 22nd Apr 2017 20:04

Glad you took Colin's advice.

I like the discipline in this - a good idea firstly, and then a secure grip on your chosen structure of rhyme and rhythm. It takes both talents to write good verse.

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Neil Robertson

Mon 17th Apr 2017 09:25

Hi Colin,

Many thanks for your feedback. It's funny you mention it because I'd been toying between the two ideas for what seemed like ages before I uploaded this. However, I can now see sense in breaking it up and have done so. Thanks again

Neil

<Deleted User> (13762)

Mon 17th Apr 2017 08:23

excellent writing Neil although I'm struggling with 'Joy, too, is a futile / fleeting fling' - too many f's perhaps? Maybe simplify to 'Joy, too, is futile / A fleeting thing'. Just a thought. Thanks for posting, Colin

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