Anxiety clouds my judgement on how I live life.

Bad thoughts come inside my head whenever I’m happy.

Crying at the fact that my grandparents left me when I needed them most.

Desperate enough to find answers on how I should live life.

Emotions running wild, I don’t know how I should feel right now.

Feeling fragile, I don’t wanna break like a glass window.

Grieving feels like not knowing what to do with my life.

Healing is very hard for me to do when I lost someone special.

I’m injured because I don’t know how to love again.

Jealous at people when they get all happy with their lives being “perfect.”

Killing myself is the only option I have when it’s my grandparents birthday.

Loneliness is my best friend when I’m in the dark.

Medicine helps me “kill the pain” away.

Nervous about how I’ll judge myself when I’m dead.

Overwhelmed with depression makes me feel like I’m already dead.

Painkillers take me into a trace of relief when I don’t wanna face reality.

Quiet spaces are so much better than having people all up in my ears.

Rejection feels good when nobody wants me around.

Suicide is the best feeling I want to experience, I don’t wanna live anymore.

Trapped inside a place I don’t wanna be anymore, I wanna escape to freedom.

Unapologetic for the action I won’t regret doing to end my life.

Vulnerable to give myself away so I don’t have to feel this pain in my heart.

Weak to my knees when I have no choice but to end my life.

Xanax helps me balance chemicals in my brain.

Yelling to the top of my lungs, I wanna break free from this prison called earth.

Zoning out helps me realize that I’m happy with my life, I don’t wanna die!

I was in an depressive state when i wrote this...  © ebonaya smallwood 4/21/17