Back in the nineties, Lorena and John
were making the news with a ‘right carry-on’!
John’s marriage commitments, he just couldn’t keep.
So she chopped off his ‘chopper’ whilst he was asleep!

Lorena then (finally) came to her senses.
So shocked with her handiwork’s dire consequences!
Her ‘unkindest cut’ must have broken the law,
so she picked up his ‘winkie’ and ran for the door.

She weighed-up her actions of ‘penile-castration’
and possible outcomes for her situation? 
So relieved, John, no longer could give her a ‘poke’
- just a bit of a ‘bollocking’, when he awoke!

Revving her engine, she drove up the street
(John’s ‘tip’, ‘screaming’ “Foul!” from the passenger seat!).
“I must get away!” frowned the fugitive-wife.
“For cutting a cock off, I’m sure to get ‘Life’”.

Assessing her chances of not getting caught,
Lorena was vexed with a terrible thought.
- Caught ‘in possession of dick‘, promised failure ;
She needed to jettison John’s genitalia!‘

 

She wound down the window , took hold of his ‘bit’’
and threw it as far as her strength would permit.
But ‘javelin-throwing’ was never her thing
preventing Lorena from aiming her ‘fling’.

 

Well, a ‘high-flying’ prick’s bad enough (if you please), 
but can only get worse if it’s caught in a breeze!
For, driving behind ; a few car-lengths away,
were Paddy and Murphy, just out for the day.   *

 

Now riding the air-stream, the penis flew back
and bounced off their screen with a good, hearty ‘thwack’!
At which, Paddy turned to his friend, with the cry
“Did yer witness the size of the knob on that fly?”

 

That’s not the whole story (so happy to say).
They found it and sewed it back on, the next day 
However the surgeon warned “John; understand,
there’s a chance that the thing might ‘come off’ in your hand!”

 

But he need not have worried; his ‘wand’ stayed attached
and earned him a fortune from films, adults watched.
Yet the moral is - if you are tempted to ‘stray’,
be sure that your knives are locked, safely away!

 

*  Apologies for the non-PC 'Paddy/Murphy' reference.  It was part of the original joke in the 90s and          therefore the reason for its inclusion.