How can I say how I feel,

Describe words to you that you will understand,

If I myself don't understand...

 

There are days I just want to scream.

When all I crave is to be heard,

For someone to simply understand how I feel.

Someone who grabs my hand without needing to be asked,

Simply because I need to feel the support.

 

It is so easy for me to say everything's okay,

Everything is alright,

When it's truly not.

I am like a shield,

I do not let many pass to bear witness of my emotions.

 

I've tried so many times to allow people in...

It never fails when I see the knife.

It hurts,

Always,

Yet I never fully break...

I cannot,

I will not,

Allow someone to break me.

 

Life has always been intense for me.

I've had so many downs,

That I couldn't allow myself to see the positive.

Yet I've managed to stay strong for everyone around me,

My sister,

My mother,

Everyone but myself.

 

Black was the only color I felt soothed me.

A shield that only I knew of,

Words couldn't pass it,

Emotions never came near,

Music was the only flow...

Like air it came and went,

Passing through me with such ease,

Healing any wounds I covered.

 

How can I express my emotions to you,

To anyone, if I can barely let go.

All I ever wanted was someone to understand,

To have pure intentions,

So my shield can slowly fall...

Yet I'm too afraid to see the knife.

 

- Joanne German