At the Montreal Comedy Festival he opened with the line ”Hello, moose fuckers” followed with “I'll tell you why I hate Canada: half of you speak French and the other half fucking let them.” He was promptly attacked by a member of the audience.

 

There's must be some mistake. He's the 15th greatest standup

but he's aggressive, tasteless, racist, sexist and smells,

has a face like a soggy football, hair that's been fucked up

and wears a top hat stolen from Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

I wish this man to be struck deaf, blind and dumb,

suffer anal fissures, asthma, constipation, impotence,

varicose veins, bedwetting, gonorrhoea, bleeding gums,

piles, hives, insomnia, apoplexy, nose bleeds and cramps.

I wish this man more. I want at least pulled muscles, gout,

amputations and fungal infections. I want to chain him to

the goalposts in Wembley Stadium, see him eaten by scouts,

his remains shitted out and recycled as a dildo.

Even that's not enough. I want all those who howl or laugh

at his shows to be fucked in the ass by Timmy Mallett.

If none of my wishes are granted at least give him Whooping cough,

the occasional boil, court orders or gigs with Jabba the Hutt.

 

 

As you may have gathered I don't like this so-called humourist

who's who smells, is aggressive, tasteless, racist and sexist

and who in 2008 was number 15 on Channel 4's greatest

standups. But to be fair he can do some pretty neat card tricks.