Hickory dickory dock
under the station clock
i'll meet you there is what he said
but eleven in the morning came and went
the hickory dickory hands went round
without a sound
no explanation came.
By twelve the moment had breathed its last
the meeting never came to pass
under the hickory dickory clock
with the silent hands
and no tick tock.
I like this. No wacky punchline, and no bolt-on profundity - other writers might be tempted. A. Case of beer winging its way to you. Camus comedy. Excellent, Ray; excellent rays.
Suki
<Deleted User> (13762)
Fri 28th Jul 2017 08:46
3 good comments here already and I agree with them all.
I like how you used nursery rhyme in an event that created hope and wonder and then adult hood came in and brought it to disappointment.
tick tock
New Shoes
I was expecting a bit of a punchline. like him waiting under the clock in the train station while she waits under the clock in the bus station. but no, it looks like he's just been stood up. I think we've all been there.
Cheers Kevin
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raypool
Fri 28th Jul 2017 20:31
Thanks for dropping by Kevin. Yes, it is that simple! It's a horrible feeling too.
David, The sad thing is when we are here and waiting for something we feel we need or deserve and are invisible. But hey that's fantasy after all. Actually it isn't.
Well thought out Old Shoes well spotted. Thanks.
Thanks Col glad you liked the simple stuff this time around!
Suki, I loved your comment here. On a serious note, it does take a leap of faith to leave things unsaid and respect the reader to enter in as you seem destined to do.
I'll check out Uncle Albert C. So much still to read.
Love to all for time taken . Ray