She lay tangled In my bed-clothes.
I watched trapezoids of summer light make motes alive to the warmth.
I leant against the wall and counted her breaths,
pale and shallow her rising breasts,
her hair webbed with sleep and
gripped to her belly my gown
since last she bathed.
I lowered my case-
and loved her more.
Brilliant this Tommy. a corker. You have made every word count in a short poem which is bigger than its number of words alone. fantastic. Win
<Deleted User> (6895)
Thu 12th Nov 2009 21:34
loved the poem tc-persephone lay tangled? have ye not discovered verily ye newe mobile phone?tee-hee-tc! when do we get to see yer teef?
Thu 12th Nov 2009 15:31
Intriguing image links, bit like an interwoven illumination in celtic style..powerful voice and puzzle..like it very much and ask if you would add a word to "thermals" to avoid modern connotations. I like the last one on this theme too, but didn't have an adeqaute comment at that time.
Steve Smith
good stuff, nice phrasing in this, "counted her breaths" odd and interesting.
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Steve Smith
Mon 16th Nov 2009 14:10
Great new line, now I wait anxiously until the last line to know if the watcher is benign or..and thank God he is...that's a gem!
Steve Smith