Hello, and welcome to the news

more stories today of drugs and booze,

if you're nnot already bored, financial issues

in the same week in, week out boring news

And now a message from the PM!

oh, the links broken, no worries- only talking crap again

and then theres the weather - you guessed it - rain!

and another celeb recalls their lifelong pain!

and now to my assistant for local info

man gets arrested for being a nympho!

someones done something for someone unknown,

and thats pretty much it, nothing else, so..

Back to me! for breaking news! aazing reports!

new invention that really teleports!

oh, sorry, watching tv, any one for liqourice alsorts?

ill just shuffle paper and cough, someone - Que sports!

And thats all from us have a very good night

keep asking yourself why this countries so shite

or perhaps those running it arent doing it right?

God bless a nation unwilling to fight