in the mornings, full of dread
i like to lay strands of my greasy hair
over my eyes, refocus, cornea stretching, scratching
allowing the silvery threads to become clearer
others to fade away, traces of breath on a freezing window
each hair picked out, some whispered, some blinding
like a motorway system designed by a madman
the veins of something not quite there
hi guys,
thanks so much for your lovely comments, sorry for the delay in replying
beno - i simply opened my eyes one morning and new i had to write this down
suki - that was my favourite bit too!
cynthia - lovely comments thank you. not sure about narcissism, but i definitely have the confidence now to write exactly what i desire, knowing it will come out better than if i tried to pander to positivity and praise. if that makes sense!
Your mind, its ideas and the resultant relationship of chosen metaphors, is truly awesome. And then you find the apt vocabulary to support these insights/outsights/resights. Is narcissism an essential factor? I'm honestly keen to know. Is it an essential aspect of amazing writing?
Excellent Stu!
..like a motorway system designed by a madman
the veins of something not quite there..
Thanks for sharing.
Suki
<Deleted User> (18474)
Sun 10th Dec 2017 16:20
Hi Stu.
This poem instantly reminded me of being a kid, when on a summers day I used to love closing my eyes so I could see the pink of my eye lids and watch the patterns the dust made floating on my corneas. I'd forgotten about it until now. Bizarre I know, a little like your poem. What ever made you think of it?
Enjoyed it very much. Beno.
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Martin Elder
Mon 18th Dec 2017 20:55
A magnificent piece Stu. I am fully with you in the opening line of
in the mornings, full of dread. I think I feel that most mornings. I am certainly not one of those to bounce out of bed to greet the dawn, and the whole description with your air, great stuff
Martin .