"write about being neurotic" (12/14/2017)
rake rake rake
dead leaves and shake
burnt villages at the bottoms of purses
aborted worlds at their ends
like Sodom, surgical extracted
monotheism redacted
because I'm just a man without dirt under his fingernails .
palms smooth and white and pure and seamless
future ironed out with the perfect creases and crisp collars
jailhouse of the modern man
small cells in the crowds of loose ties
and refusals to shake hands
hands perfect and pure to build a new world
sterile and impossible and clean
and impossible
and gleam
and impossible
Rake rake rake
Not a leaf, not a lawn
not a tree not a road
not a painting or a song
just the stainless steel Ayre
the ascension of me
on average and by mean
I want to be clean
median and mode
numbers building rows on rogues
choking on airs and words obscene
pollutants untie me
I WANT TO BE CLEAN
skin sewn and unsewn
bream whipped, stripped and waxed and peeked
nails clipped to smoothbore nubs
treated and sealed with creams
I WANT TO BE CLEAN
bleaching down to the bone
harder and faster -- this house isn't home
it's a pile of refuse, what I used to be
sloughed off and vacuum packed,
picked and pressed Me
I WANT TO BE CLEAN
evaporative cooling into atoms split and tossed
flippant and chaos and out of order--
STOP STOP
FUCKING STOP
but my voice is lost, half here and half there
gone into the original recording
binaries ones and zeroes
to never be whole again
never be tarnished, inert atoms , unseen
and nonliving in pieces
i just want to be clean