for you to literally sit in front of a motherfucker and to have blood on you and to be shaking so bad and tears streaming down your face and snot coming out of your nose and spit running out of your mouth with bruises still on your legs and arms from your last encounter and the person you are sitting in front of still not give a damn and still somehow make an excuse for leaving you as though it's somehow all your fault.. i honestly am so fucking hurt and so disgusted by one human being that i can't even begin to express my fucking crippling pain and the tears and fucking holes that have been shot into my heart as i look at someone i am madly in love with and truly see i am never going to be who or what they want or wanted me to be.. have you ever experienced this? having to look into the eyes of someone you love, and someone you loved for months on months and seasons that changed to different seasons, and see finally they never loved you. and they will never love you. having to look into the eyes of someone you so badly wanted to build a future with and grow old with and fucking die beside you loved so fucking deeply and dearly, never once even loved you at all. never once did they notice you. never once did they appreciate you. never once did they look at you and smile. never once did they learn anything about you, or learn you at all.. never once did they want to know you. never once did they know you even when they pretended to. never once were you home to them like they were home to you. never once did they love you. never once did they find comfort in just holding you. because if he did, he wouldn't have left me. he woudn't have destroyed me. he would've just found comfort in the way that he would hold me.