You hurt me again 

There is no tone of surprise in my voice any more, why should there be? 

You hurt me time and time again and over and over I forgive - I make some weak, half hearted excuse for you

If I forgive you the hurt goes away quicker, until next time when I forget how bad the pain was and disappointment comes crashing down in waves like an avalanche of emotion. I cry and you tell me that you're sorry for the hundredth time and wait with baited breath for me to tell you it's alright as I always do

But not this time

This time I've realised that it's not alright for you to taunt and tease my emotions as if they were some playground game or any old odds on a race that you come back to for familiarity when you're bored

Not anymore 

All the other times I could forgive and forget, make peace and move on. Even when you told me you didn't love me. I could forgive you that because I knew for you the truth was terrifying. You couldn't possibly allow yourself to love me. You made yourself swear it at the start.

But today was different; today you hurt me on purpose. You rubbed salt in my wounds and strode away from me as I lay in the dirt. You told me truths that weren't true, how could they be? After all this time, did you honestly think I don't know you enough to know when your eyes are lying? 

I tried to pull you back from whatever place it is in your head that you go to when you want to push me away but I couldn't. I tried, god knows I tried. I failed. You were so deep inside yourself that I couldn't find you anymore

One day, you'll venture back into the sun and realise I am missing. What hurts me the most, is that I will still come back every single time you call