When wear and tear determines that your old belt’s days are done

(Perhaps the holes have widened or the buckle pin has gone)

So when you walk for twenty yards they drop down past your bum

Then obligation places

A need on sturdy braces,

 

But if you’re quite an active chap or handy just like me

You’ll find that when you bend and stretch the snap-ons just snap free;

One nearly took my eye out once while planting up my peas!

And so were born these Aces –

My carabiner braces.

 

You’ll note that they’re both functional as well as fashion-wear;

The Mother of Invention was, in this case, Disrepair;

And spending money on new clothes had always made me swear;

So as with other cases

I came up with these braces.

 

I must confess it came to parting with a bob or two

But you don’t mind for quality so Poundland’s just for you

And so I thought these bungee straps with dog clips might just do

And cheaper than Homebase’s

For carabiner braces.

 

But never in my wildest dreams did I suppose that then

I would get an invite to appear on Dragon’s Den;

While in the meantime Hugo Boss and also News at Ten

And even New York’s Macy’s

Had interest in my braces.

 

But sadly before fame and fortune in my lap could drop

Our Gert decided that this silly escapade should stop

And with a pair of scissors she then gave the straps the chop

“There’ll be no more disgraces

With your stupid dog-clip braces!”.