Hazel ettridge

Drawn by Dragons

by Hazel ettridge

Wednesday 9th May 2018 6:35 am (first posted Tuesday 8th May 2018 4:42 pm)

She was screaming 'I need to sing my song'

They called it a breakdown.

Take a few weeks off, you'll be fine.

Come back right as rain.

She wore the corporate image very well.

They didn't want to let her go.

But she was screaming 'I need to sing my song'.

They called it a mid-life crisis.

Have an adventure.

Take a lover.

Write a novel.

But please come back.

You fit so well into this little square hole.

Becoming a hollow bone, she turned the page,

Screaming 'I need to sing my song'.

Drawn by dragons - they knew the tune -

She took her hands off the keyboard

And freewheeled down the page.

🌷(5)

◄ Stuffed

A Life ►

Comments

Hazel ettridge

Sat 26th May 2018 12:32

Thank you Mr T. It will definitely be the last 5 lines on the postcard.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Wed 16th May 2018 06:48

Overshadowed?! I give up!

Frances Macaulay Forde

Wed 16th May 2018 03:50

Hazel, I too have enjoyed the engagement here - I'm relieved you understood my approach.
I feel the comments have overshadowed this very beautiful poem and your important words which deserve to be considered.
Perhaps this week, the powers-that-be would consider two poems for Poem of the Week; yours and Stu's tribute.
?

Hazel ettridge

Tue 15th May 2018 12:23

Frances, I always find your comments helpful, I learn from them and am grateful for your input - as I am for all comments and suggestions.
As you point out, there are two distinct voices in this poem. I wrote it following a Shamanic weekend where all activities focused on finding the song we were born to sing (described in the last 5 lines) which got me to thinking about the strangulated song that I have actually been singing for much of my adult life (first 13 lines).
I have enjoyed the discussion very much. I love WOL. I trust that all disagreements come from a place of curiosity and support and not from fear or isolation.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Tue 15th May 2018 10:09

Hello Frances,

I sincerely hope this interesting conversation does not curb your enthusiasm for being a valued part of the WoL community. I can assure you that my comments were in no way intended to imply that *your* poetry was elitist or cloaked in intellectualism. In fact I often find your writing very open and accessible and admire it for being so.

However, I *was* putting across a different point of view - never easy on here without causing offence I admit - in regards to your previous statement. I'm sorry if you didn't like it but I felt the points I made were a valid response to a statement I felt a certain disagreement with. I hoped my closing sentence would show that it was healthy to discuss but also to disagree for that is one of the benefits of this site.

I could argue against your other lesson learnt - 'You have to know the 'rules', to break them' - but I think I might be pushing my luck!

With respect,
Colin.

Frances Macaulay Forde

Tue 15th May 2018 09:45

Hi again, Hazel. I feel I need to clear up what I think is misunderstood by some - but I sincerely hope not you.

I 'liked' Hazel's poem as soon as I read it. I also found what I believed were two distinct voices, very intriguing and said so... I particularly enjoyed their juxtaposition but IMHO felt a line space before the last five impressive lines would strengthen that voice.

Always aware how much thought and effort goes into the composition and presentation of our words on the page - not to mention the guts it takes to open them up to scrutiny on here, I believed I was helping. Some agreed.

When you said, Hazel, you thought you had to explain yourself I responded quickly saying I was told not to, before a poem.

Unfortunately, I obviously didn't explain myself sufficiently for some readers or go into enough detail.

I meant generally, your poems/words are enough - you don't have to explain them. Let the readers put their own interpretation on them. Surly that's why we share them?

I was speaking in the context of already having shown my 'like' and appreciation for your poem as a whole.

I apologise for the 'shiver' I gave you Colin but object to being called (by association) elitist and intellectual cloaking my poetry in rules and regulations which you say restrict me.

All my writing life I have demonstrated and been an advocate of free voice in the writing community.

We all have something important to say and many, many times have personally facilitated opportunities for new writers to do so, irrespective of their background or voice.
Voices I may add, I supported and encouraged even when they weren't my preference.

Here's another lesson I learned; 'You have to know the 'rules', to break them.'

My aim by participation on this wonderful website is always to support and encourage which may often take the guise of (what I believe are) helpful comments. I shall curb my enthusiasm somewhat now.

I am always, always mindful that words are precious and should be spent wisely and that poetry lives by context, description and explanation, ever drawing us closer to the writer's intent.

raypool

Sat 12th May 2018 16:15

Hi again Hazel. I am back on again, a bit like the squirrel which keeps taking our nuts and seeds off of the garden table. I am intrigued how vital and expansive poetry is seen to be on the one hand, and on the other how closely guarded its tenets might seem . I feel that is a bit like dropping a stone in water and watching the expanding circles. Graham and Colin exemplify the opposite ends of the same spectrum. I've shot my bolt once, so I retire discreetly to the touch line. The simple truth is that poetry is a shape shifter and a mood shifter, so coming back to a poem can often seem like p.....g in the wind. (IMO). We have to be open to opinions, that's what gives life to the site.

Ray

Hazel ettridge

Sat 12th May 2018 14:27

Really interesting comments. I think I will be writing more versions of this poem, each in a different direction and see what feels most true in the end. Thanks you for taking the time.

<Deleted User> (13762)

Sat 12th May 2018 08:33

Frances, I have to say your last comment sent a bit of a shiver down my spine. I think if I had been told that at the start of a degree in poetry I may well have dropped out the very next day. While I understand and agree in part to the general principle I can't help but think it also illustrates much of what is or has been wrong with poetry and its teaching.

For surely it tempts the writer into cloaking their words with intellectualism that may well have the effect of alienating a percentage of readers? This perception of inaccessibility has plagued poetry for decades, modern art too. How many people have a clue what most modern, conceptual or performance art is all about?

I can think of many reasons for explaining the content of a poem within the poem itself - historical context for one - so to live and breathe by such a constraint seems somewhat counter-productive and restricting to me.

There are times when I feel a desperate need to connect directly and instantaneously with the reader so description and explanation are the tools I would employ. At other times I prefer to remain at a distance and allow for a greater degree of interpretation. Either way, to have that flexibility and freedom has always been my personal motivation to express myself through writing.

Thank heavens for the internet which has helped blow away the need for most of these rules and regulations and made poetry truly accessible to all.

Personally I like both elements of Hazel's poem and I feel both complement each other and make a whole. The technique of writing from two different angles for me is one I like a lot as it can shift a poem suddenly into another dimension, the reader's mind too, uncomfortably even. As it stands I feel this poem is far more accessible to a wider audience than if it was reduced to the last 5 lines. But hey, we all see things in different ways and that's why poetry has multiple potentials.

Col.

Graham Sherwood

Fri 11th May 2018 18:46

Don’t change it. It’s what you wrote.

Frances Macaulay Forde

Fri 11th May 2018 18:24

One of the first things I learnt at uni when studying poetry was that you should never explain your poem - the words should be strong enough to speak for themselves.

raypool

Wed 9th May 2018 20:27

HI Hazel, I came back to this, and it feels now as if you may be stalemated by the comments. I think Frances has it right. The message is clear, but the separation may be more of a divorce. I think the last verse is excellent.

Ray

Hazel ettridge

Wed 9th May 2018 10:18

Frances, I think you're right. The preamble was just an attempt to explain.

Frances Macaulay Forde

Wed 9th May 2018 09:22

Those last 5 lines do stand alone - even stronger with the line separation. Perhaps they ARE the poem.

Hazel ettridge

Wed 9th May 2018 06:30

I wrote the last 5 lines before working on the rest of the poem. I'm now wondering if I should have left it as a 5 line imaginist poem.

Frances Macaulay Forde

Wed 9th May 2018 04:21

I agree with Ray, the last five lines are written in a totally different voice... intriguing.

raypool

Tue 8th May 2018 20:37

A lesson in self discovery often suppressed by having to grease the wheels of corporations. I am intrigued by the last three lines Hazel. Sounds like a coda in a song or curtains across a stage.

Ray

<Deleted User> (18118)

Tue 8th May 2018 20:20

The quest to be allowed to be oneself.
Really enjoyed this poem. Read it twice.

Hannah

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