He’s got a cough, he’s got a cold
He is convinced he’s growing old 
The futures not looking very great,
and as coughs go, it may be too late
Oh and he may have lost a bit of weight?

The pain is bad, it’s jabbing hard
His family say he’s being mard 
But he’s convinced it’s something sinister
And they will need to call a Minister.

They seem to move around and around
The excruciating pains, the gurgling sounds
Surely this time he’s near to death
It won’t be long before his last breath?

Down to the Doctors Surgery he goes
Last time it was about his nose
He thought he had a terminal lump
It turned out though just to be a clump...
of hard snot, yes quite a lot!

Unconvinced, a second opinion
Not from a quack or an unknown minion
But a professor of medicine, the highest in his field
to be examined and let him have a feel,
of this area of grave concern
to see what the medic could discern.

After a pause, a sharp intake of breath,
no mention of being close to death
He looked at his patient and confirmed
nothing serious, not even arthritis
but yes you’ve guessed it,
it was Hypochondriasis.
Ah well, at least he could still look forward
to a trip to see a psychologist!