Had that day dream drift to it this one Rachel..Liked a lot. Win
Pete Crompton
Thu 17th Dec 2009 17:57
enjoyed.
hey is this the bridge over t'ribble lass? On way to Penwortham? I recognise..............................
Rachel, you're becoming the queen of the last liners. Don't change a thing.
Ann, it's tempting. I'm doing a reading next week and I'm now wondering if I ought to get up with a dummy and a glass of water.....hmm,on second thoughts perhaps not! ;)
Rachel
x
Do you normally get ventriloquists to read your poems? How novel! ;-)
Thank you Cynthia....it's a bugger for ventriloquists to read though! :) Thanks for taking the time to read and comment,
Cheers
Rachel
x
Rachel, this is very engaging. 'blind - blossom - ribbon - boil' etc. has lovely internal music. The personification of the 'bolting trees' is novel. From fancy to reality is well captured by the 'hissing motorway'.
Now I shall read the other comments.
It was strange actually, we were driving down to a festival and had set off from The North at about 3 a.m., the sun rose just south of Birmingham, the trees really did look like they were taking a breather before setting off again uphill.
Thanks for reading and commenting
Rachel
x
Hi again, a really nice poem and those bolts of trees stopping to have a rest - great and unusual image, really like it.
Thanks for the suggestion Andy, also thanks for reading it! I spent aaaaages sorting and re-sorting the order of the 4 shorter lines to find out which sounded right. Do you know, I have just re-read it without the motorway bit (which seemed important at time of writing because I saw the view from the car and committed it to memory) but you're right, it sounds lots better.
Thanks for that
Rachel
enjoyed this rachel in particular the poem seems to get shorter and shorter lines by the end... have you considered removing the last line 'the motorway slides by...' as i think 'kissed with freckles' could be a lovely ending? x
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Jeff Dawson
Sat 23rd Jan 2010 22:36
Lovely poem Rachel, really enjoyed it. I had the sunrise in my latest poem but in a bit of a different context! Best wishes Jeff