I need help.

seriously. 

The teacher said to meditate.

focus on one thing.

close your eyes if you want.

i sat like she did.

cross-legged,

hands on ankles,

back straight, 

and calm.

I pictured her. 

Her face.

Her eyes.

Her smile.

After, I sighed and felt depressed.

I always feel depressed.

She helps.

But when I realize she’s imaginary,

I wilt like a petal.

The delicate petal that I am.

I might pretend to be stronger than I am,

but I’m not.

At all.

I tell them nothing’s wrong.

Nothing is bothering me. 

I’m not lonely (yeah, right)

I’m not depressed (are you serious? You seriously are)

I’m not hurt or broken (Force, stop lying)

It’s none of their business. 

But I have to tell someone.

It’s been ripping me apart. 

And I can’t help it. 

Whenever we watch Clone Wars, 

I stare at her.

Taking in every detail.

Hide it!

You’re Christian, Elle.

You cannot be bi!

think of the things they would do!

Say!

You’re in love with a fictional character,

for Gods sake! 

But I don’t care!!

she’s everything I ever wanted. 

Needed.

Screw straight. 

I will be gay for you! 

Tell me what to do!

i will do anything.

Anything for you.

My hopeless love story. 

I want what I can’t have.

but who cares?

I’m crazy anyway.

Why not go crazy for her? 

Sure, why not.

Lovely hopeless love.

I hate it.