I was in Weatherspoons (for the uninitiated it's a pub chain) the other month and there were a group of girls near the bar. They were moaning that they were too fat, too thin, that their breasts were too big or too small that they were too hot or too cold etc and I got to thinking that everone was dissatisfied in one form or other with their lot and then I felt a poem coming on..............

 

ALL THESE THINGS  I KNOW

 

If your big you want to be small

If your short you want to be tall

If your poor you want to be rich

If your nice you want to be a bitch

 

ALL THESE THINGS I KNOW

 

If your in work you want to be retired

If your unhappy at work you want to be fired

If your hungry you want to be fed

If your tired of life you want to be dead

 

ALL THESE THINGS I KNOW

 

If your clever you don't want to be thick

If your healthy you don't want to be sick

If your dirty you want to be clean

If your invisible you want to be seen

 

ALL THESE THINGS I KNOW

 

If your generous you don't want to be mean

If your pure you don't want to be obscene

If your young you don't want to be old

If your wrong you don't want to be told

 

ALL THESE THINGS I KNOW!