the thought of losing you 

makes my heart hurt

 

although you were not

around as much as i wish

you had been,

i have a part of you

and you have a part of me

 

the pain i once felt because of your constant absence when i needed you most

the cracked heart i carried inside me for too long 

all because i missed out on getting to know you—the way they know you 

and also

you getting to know me too

 

yet 

the days i did not want you around

did not exist in my thoughts.

i wanted your time 

i wanted your influence 

 

not too long ago

i was incapable of loving you everyday, forever

or valuing you and the time we hardly shared 

but ive come to accept and forgive all that was holding me back from doing so

 

now

every time i see you 

every hour, every minute

up until the last second

i appreciate you, and the time i get to spend with you

because this 

feels a million times better 

than holding on to anything other than love.

 

love you dad.