January Angles

His pain I see so clearly
When others see his smile
His sense of humor but a mask
For inner thoughts so vile

Wrestling with his demons
And ghosts of futures passed
The loss of fantasy and hope
Adds to his pain amassed

Troubled youth and tangled past
Reactions none can see
Emotions lead to terror
Yet he reveals them to me

Control he sees as needed strength
Lest the beast inside be freed
To terrorize the ones he loves
On their pain would it feed

But what he doesn’t care to see
Though its obvious he knows
Letting go of some control
Is how one truly grows

Some see his airs as callous youth
Some as asinine behavior
And they ignore his sense of honor
And sincere attempts to earn their favor

It takes a special person
To see the man inside
But those who do can’t help but love
The man he tries to hide

He’s not an easy man to love
To protect, nor even hold
His heart, though painfully divided
Is truly made of gold

To love him unconditional
Requires but one thing
Desire for his happiness
Yet he fears what that will bring

So he fights it tooth and nail
He would sacrifice his life
In the name of love and honor
Living misery and strife

For though he strives for some semblance
Of a normal, happy life
His efforts seem to be in vain
And reality cuts like a knife

He speaks of painful memories
Admits he sees the end draw near
Though he seems resigned to this fate
I sense his underlying fear

For his fantasy escape route
Was spoiled by a word
A careless spoken confirmation
That he wished he’d never heard

It crushed his dreams quite cruelly
And brought reality crashing in
And thoughts of not being good enough
Amidst his past and present sin

What he doesn’t see is his fantasy
Is merely trying to live
To be with him would cause him pain
Distance is the only gift she can give

Laugh bitter at the irony
These star-crossed lovers bring
Both sacrifice self to protect the other
Of this love the poets don’t sing.