No Substitute

In the absence
Of His presence
While I’m longing
For His touch

When the pillows
Cease to comfort
And the pain
Is just too much

I turn to one
Who offers freely
Standing by
With open arms

I curl up
Beside him
And attempt to
Hide from harm

This body
Warm and hard
But not enough
Not quite right

I close my eyes
To imagine Him
Lying beside me
In quiet might

These arms around me
Long, but not enough
This chest I lie against
Beats off pace

I curl against him
Reflexive, grasping
Seeking comfort
I stroke his face

The stubble isn’t there
The jaw too round
The lips too rough
On my forehead

Try though he might
To offer comfort
I long for Him
My face goes red

I burrow in the nook
Try to snuggle close
His arms pull me near
I release a sigh

Contentment
It is not
But only fear
And shame – a lie

My mind begins
To wander free
To seek the peace
I long to find

I conjure thoughts
And senses of Him
To replace the one
Who is being so kind

The one who loves me
And I love him
In my own way
But its not the same

I am not his
In my own heart
I belong to Him
Therein – my shame

In my fantasy
I imagine Him
His arms, His body
His love, His soul

I find my peace
My center restored
But its no substitute
Without Him, I’m not whole