"i had a dream that there was a rifle too big for me "

it's important to ascribe meaning to things
there's a whole lot of "what now" in the human condition
I'm alive, what now?
My basic needs are met, what now
I have a fulfilling career and family and a home,
what now?
i hurt myself with heroin to see what it was like
i dropped acid and am now afraid of the color orange 
through DMT i met astral elder gods and lived entire lifetimes
what now?

I sit awake at 2am dreaming at the kitchen table
i can't see straight and can't settle on one thing
I have so many unscratched itches
so many different people I've been 
shaven into the meagre toothless legend I feel like I am now:
wearing a beat up mascot suit that used to be my skin and sinew
and she finds me
really finds me
with her touch
stamping out all those little fucking fires with the shape of her chest as she pulls my head back into it.
"Hey. Come back to bed."

and maybe that's what's going to be important to be 
affirmed that I'm enough --
that this is enough
yknow?

>perhaps you would see freedom as a curse
>perhaps I'm just bitter
>jaded

with infinite possibilities, making a choice nullifies so many
it can be paralyzing, and indecision inside of that paralysis is also a choice. 

I remember when I first moved into adult life -- no schedules, no regiments, nothing. 
I had no fucking idea of what to do with myself. 

FOMO
Fear of missing out. If you choose one thing, you're opting out of others. 
And because of that fear, 
you do nothing.
It's dumb
So now I just do whatever, knowing that the choice is mostly 
arbitrary.

What now?
whatever you make it
for better or for worse, it's whatever you make it.
but please choose before someone chooses for you

;