The new Poetry Competition is now open.

You only have a few short days to live, so get a move on and enter.

Do not submit sub-par poems written on napkins.

We expect poems to be brief and to actually have a point.

Long poems are boring and harder for us to understand.

Make sure you follow the guidelines. No sex and no profanity.

We retain the right to censor your thoughts and who you sleep with.

All poems should make sense to the below average reader.

Winners will be announced sometime.

The prize will be a full-grown Elephant, while they last.

Shipping is free, but you will be charged for waste removal.

Good writing and good-bye.

The doorbell rang.