2nd Day
With thanks to Emma Robinson for her collaboration:
And on the 2nd day, there was haiku
Blank canvas is stained
Minds eye bears beautiful fruit
Artists souls remain
Comments
Fixed it! :-)
hmm he's right Kenny, we are rubbish at counting, we really counted that line a lot of times and it isn't 5 :(
Lovely idea and nicely written. Could do with another syllable in line one though. What about canvas is stained?
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Alan Summers
Mon 29th Mar 2010 12:14
Tips about writing a Haiku
It's an urban myth that haiku have to be 5/7/5 English-language syllables.
If you do write them that way always make sure your writing is natural.
Many traffic signs in Japan are 5/7/5 but they are certainly not haiku. ;-)
Think of a haiku as two parts, one line and two lines, doesn't matter which order.
Use a subtle clue to suggest the season e.g.
cool morning
birdsong
light on a distant cloud
Alan Summers
1. Haiku Friends Vol. 3 Ed. Masaharu Hirata Osaka, Japan (2009)
2. Birdsong - a haiku sequence Together They Stood Poetry Now 2004 ISBN 1844607852
3. Azami Haiku in English Commemorative Issue 2000
4. Modern Haiku, USA Fall, October 1999
'cool' is a clue to the season. This clue is also known as a kigo, or season word. Cool is a clue or season word suggesting Summer.
Sometimes the season clue can be obvious and even point to a specific day e.g.
allhallowmas...
the goblins go back
into their books
Alan Summers
1. The Haiku Calendar 2010 ISBN 978-1-903543-27-6 (November)
2. Haiku Friends 2 ed. Masaharu Hirata, Osaka Japan 2007
So remember to indicate the time of year with a seasonal clue, and that's your one line finished.
Next is the two line part otherwise known as the 'phrase'.
I prefer to write about something I've personally experienced, as it's also a great reminder, even years later, of what happend. e.g.
a girl’s laughter
in and out of nettlebeds
a cabbage butterfly
Alan Summers
1. Runner up Snapshot Press Millennium Haiku Calendar Competiton
2. Highly Commended 1997 Hobo Haiku International Competition, New South Wales, Australia
3. The Redmoon Anthology 1997 ISBN 0-9657818-5-2 Redmoon Press U.S.A.
4. Haiku International, Japan May 1997
'cabbage butterfly' suggests the time around Summer, and the girl's laughter in the nettlebeds reminds me of a wonderful time in an inner-city farm.
Have a go yourself, it's easy, but remember to make the language sound natural, especially if you do want to attempt 5/7/5.
Good luck!
Alan
With Words:
http://www.withwords.org.uk/what.html