This same poem is also in my biography. Its the one I hold dear to my heart.

                                          30 Pounds

I still remember laying in the fucking tub

holding my head because it was bleeding he

wasnt facing me so he couldn't see it.

He was still having a fit till he heard me say my head hurts it's

bleeding.

My lip was busted I had bruises all over me

blood was in my hair and all over the tub.

At the moment you couldn't imagine me gone so you

began to clean me up.

Once I was cleaned the spotlight was back on you,

you began to weep of how sorry you felt.

I didn't understand your tears because there wasn't a mark on you

I tried to soothe you not because I felt sympathetic but because I didnt want

my aching pathetic body bleeding in the tub again.

You offered that night to sleep on the floor giving me the space I desired and more.

I told you NO, I needed to be held even if it was by the one who held my fate at his hands.

You came into bed and held me tight you promised me your hands wouldn't make me fear

at night.

As you slept away your guilt, I lay awake fearing your body and its built,

my body aching from all of the pain it took.

You werent even that big you weighed 30 pounds more than me

but when it came to fear you had 30 pounds over me that I couldn't bear.

Now I lay awake next to a man who considers me his treasure, even with that being said I still

can't seem to bury the rotten trasures you left me.

The memories that can't be erased, despite my eraser loosing all of its strength.

Now what do I do with all of this extra weight?