6:15 pm 

I nearly called just now 

I'm going for dinner for my birthday 

I wanted to tell you that the nausea stopped 

I'm going to eat my body weight in pasta, you'd be proud of me if you knew 

I did pumpkin spice eyeshadow 

You would've liked it 

Like that time my sister put a photo of me on instagram and you messaged me but I ignored you because I was mad at you 

But I guess this is different this time, isn't it?

All my love, 

Your Cait

 

6:18 pm 

I'm in Kenilworth. I just thought about that time we came here for desserts. I think you had a waffle and I had a crepe. It was gigantic. You had to eat it for me. 

All my love, 

Your Cait

 

6:22 pm

I wish I could take back some of the things I said. 

I wish some of them weren't true.

All my love, 

Your Cait

 

7:46 pm 

I ate so much food at dinner I had to undo my belt and my jeans. You would've laughed at me if you knew. 

Love, 

Cait

 

9:12 pm 

Now is when I miss you most. Whether that's as my best friend or God knows what we've become (became?). I don't know. I'm so goddamn mad at you. I'll forgive you still. Some idiotic part of me still loves you to pieces. 

I know I said what I said. I just wished you wanted me as much as I wanted us, too. 

All my love, 

(Your?) Cait

 

9:23 pm 

Do you know how hard it is to cry and blow your nose with a nose ring? IT IS A SNOTTY MESS 

I'm not even speaking to you and you made me cry. 

Cait. 

 

10:34 pm 

I'm scared to sleep. I don't want to dream about you.

Cait x

 

4:25 am 

I can't tell if the nightmares are worse than the dreams. 

 

4:28 am 

I wish you were here.

 

4:33 am 

I think my body is grieving. 

 

4:42 am 

It's raining. I can't sleep. I nearly caved and texted you but I know I shouldn't.

Your Cait 

 

4:51 am 

It's not supposed to be this difficult. 

 

4:54 am 

I texted you. Fuck. I didn't want to but I did. I don't like this distance. We don't do this.

Why don't you want me, too?

 

5:26 am 

Is it just me suffering?

All my love, 

Cait