argh

the wooden pirate

with a real leg

‘pon his left shoulder

not a parrot but a peg

argh

his ship inverted

sailed ‘neath the wave

and in his treasure chest

was a craggy cave

argh

he roared with rum

empty barrels were full

his flag was white

black bones and skull

argh

the flag though ripped

caught on his hook

but not for a hand

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I swallowed an owl

I didn’t mean too

it flew in when my mouth was open

as I stood admiring a flowery garden

its feathers tickled making me cough

and scoff

                  a lot

                             panic and shout

and a little while later

then the darn thing flew out!

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mr onion with his mad mad hair

miss pepper with her smoothen skin

mrs lemon looking so so fair

master cauliflower’s complexion

the long long nose of sir carrot

the red red face of dame tomato

the velvet touch of lady apricot

the rustic charm of lord potato

father pumpkin’s autumn face

grandma asparagus’ spring fingers

mother strawberry’s summer grace

gran...

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I packed my worth on a dinner plate

and walked afar out to sea

you see

I reached an odd little island

shaped like a banana and pea

you see

I met a blue polka dot creature

with a hot pot of honey and tea

you see

I was poured a mug and we talked

such a charming and wise pigmy

you see

I realised the hour was late

better get back to home said ...

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an ostrich learning to swim in the sea

his neck like a stick floating vertically

swirling and rounding

and bobbing a wave

an invisible hand stirs a big cup of tea

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o shrew in a shoe

shoo shoo

but he wouldn’t go

chew through the shoe

shoo shoo

chewed from heel to toe

nurse a poor tum

shoo shoo

he belched and was ill

greedy old shrew

shoo shoo

you’ve eaten your fill

find a new home

shoo shoo

one you can’t chew

its pair you jump to

shoo shoo

o shrew in a shoe

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begroan the ghoul who floots the floor

it sidles wodely rombles

and seen by some who vallacate

the hotel rooms it froodles

midnight is the time they say

the gallu-gallu grumbles

shrumbling in the corridors

and shrooning down the stairalls

intriguers flock from far and foyle

to witness Old Bazzam

and stay a night at their behowl

to see the ghoul then scram

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“Abe, easy Dee, effigy, eight chives, Jake, ale, Em,

any hope, peak you, arrest a ewe, feed other ewe”

                                                             ex-wife said

she certainly SPELT it out!

he then went on to reCOUNT

“When, too, furry forks, fave socks sieving, eat known tin”

and there was something oddly familiar about it all

when ex-husband and ...

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there's something intrinsically poetic about lists…

1.
bread (wholemeal)
twelve eggs
solar panels
occasional frogs
corporate lawyers
steam

2.
onions (red)
tomatoes (finely chopped)
garlic (four cloves)
fireman's ladder (aluminium)
disparity (secretly hidden)
mildness (abundant)
gluttony (almost definite)
mozzarella (abridged)

3.
clean sink
dirty sink
point un-necessar...

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the spider
he, with cotton in his bottom
for the silken manufacture
dressing flies he likes to capture
in the evening wear for dinner
oh the spider, what a spinner

the wasp
he, with a pin for a sting
and the flailing arms he causes
people run like wild horses
from their summer barbecues
oh the wasp, such afternoons

the ant
he, having friends in the thousands
how the picnic blanke...

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the ravenous witch

famished with greed

tummied and toothed

in scoops could she eat

pickles and pockles

and piggy trough trays

gorging, gullooging

and munching for days

she went picking parcels

and morsels of stuff

jiggleberries, hockleberries

but never enough

apples and hopples

pebbles and pears

the horribliest fruit

even one covered in h...

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gulp!

ahurr ahurr ahurr

“I swallowed a cricketer”

he shouted with a cough

but, we asked, in a joking scoff

“do you not mean a cricket?”

then to our amazement

and in the very next minute

he regurgitated a bat!

which promptly flew back to its cave

and that, it seems, was that

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there is a place at at at

it is by by by

which is near near near

not too far from from from

you can get there via via via

and to be honest it is nice to stay at at at

it’s up to you really

but if you do stay at at at

you might visit visit visit

from there go to to to

then, if time, see see see

not so scenic as as as

reminded me of of of

but again it’s up...

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the parrot cooked a dinner

the dinner he cooked was a carrot

when the swan burst into song

and the thrush told him to hush

the starling asked for more food

more food he asked for starving

when the owl then sang out loud

and the crow told him to go

so a meal of interruption

ruined this fine carrot luncheon

then all was quiet, nothing heard

u...

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the donkey set the table

but the table set was wonky

when the crane brought the game

and the mice brought the dice

the horses cooked the food

and the food they cooked in courses

the deer brought the beer

and the koala brought the cola

so an evening full of fun

promised fun for all the evening

then the tiger turned up later

but unfortunately...

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the hapless toad

who croaked a verse

and moved the trees around him

did sway the branches

sway the leaves

at the most profound of meaning

and too did cry

the birds above

at so beautiful a stanza

and soon to history

rose the toad

recited oft' thereafter

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The splash changed the course of the universe

as the fish startled in his round of the pond.

Why are you here? asked the fish.

I fell in, cried the rat, wearing water he donned.

Why did you fall in? again from the fish.

I just fell in, just fell in, that is all.

But why, you could have fallen several ways

but you fell in here so why into this pool?

I lost my balan...

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Foolhardy was I

And deceived by my eyes

Forgot all that glitters

Isn't gold;

Too late I realized

True beauty lies inside

My handsome prince

Turned out to be a toad!

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I'm really not fond of verbosity;

(Although the ex-hubby may not agree!)

Why use many words if you need a few?

A common expletive has only two!

Physicians use words we don't know;

Perhaps to soften the blow.

An attorney-at-law, we recuse:

He intends to mislead and confuse!

Politicians know not what they say;

But they're voted-in, anyway!

Him in the pulpit, I think I'l...

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(With apologies to Aesop!)

“Hurrah!" cried Tortoise, after the race;

“Now, who's the one, with egg on their face!"

Gloating and boasting; self-praising was he;

Failed to notice, a Lamborghini!

No time for life to, flash before his eyes;

Tortoise met with a speedy demise!

Hare hopped on by, with more swag than before:

“Tortoise won the battle, but I won the war!"

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A mother summoned her kids, all three:

“Now, listen to me -carefully;

Your cellular phones, will have to go!

THEY CAUSE CANCER, don't you know?

Numerous studies have recently shown,

RF waves come through a phone!

Now give them here, without delay;

You'll be thanking me for this, one day."

Silly kids, to get so upset!

She frowned, as she lit a cigarette.

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An unhappy marriage is like a bad tooth;

At first you ignore the obvious truth:

Something is wrong; it's causing you pain,

But you have no time to consult your brain.

So you take a pill -or have a drink or three,

Hoping to relieve your agony;

But the pain escalates until one day,

You realise it's not going away;

You're gripped with a feeling of horror and fear,

It can't ...

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Two apes having a head-to-head:

"It's friggin' absurd!" one of them said,

"Eight million species inhabit this earth,

Balancing nature and proving their worth;

But look at those creatures that are called 'man':

Ruining our planet as fast as they can;

They've polluted our air and poisoned the seas;

Their revolting habits cause death by disease!

Some of them perish with nothin...

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{To The Past} 

Here's to my 

past for the 

one's who 

thought they 

knew me well 

I can actually

say to you that 

you can kiss my

ass and please

go straight to 

hell for the 

last and final 

damn time

©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/ One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 26,2018

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