Two Trips to the Orthodontist

(a true story)

The orthodontist said to me,

the orthodontist cried,

‘When Adam says he’s cleaned his teeth

he’s obviously lied.

I cannot undertake to treat

a mouth so grim with plaque.

He must buck up his thoughts or else

I cannot have him back!’

‘And look’ she said, ‘these eye teeth here

both sport a li...

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New Library at Pontefract

(on seeing a film featuring John Betjeman)

Long, long ago, when I was twelve,

John Betjeman was here

to make romance for Pontefract,

to make it very clear

that this was not some ‘northern town’

of legend, cold and drear,

but hill-top place, Italianate -

the self-same atmosphere

that brought the olive growers in

to mark...

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It's hard for you to sit here and keep

your value.  You are at the mercy

of other people's whims.  'Come on'

says the boss.  'Get these residents outside!'

You look bewildered at his brusque

command, compress your lips as if not

quite ready to be addressed in this

peremptory way.  'It's fete day' I explain.

'We're supposed to go out and spend.'

I sell y...

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