So Many Things
So many things I'll never say.
So many miles I'll run away.
So many ships I've stowed away on.
So many lives I've passed away.
So many screams I've swallowed down.
So many smiles turned into frowns.
So many tears I've wiped away.
So many things I'll never say.
Sunday 1st December 2024 5:52 pm
If I Had Everything
If I had everything,
I would have
Nothing.
If I had quiet,
I would have
Death.
If I saw clearly I'd be
Disappointed.
No companions but the
Atoms in my breath.
Sunday 1st December 2024 5:43 pm
There Are No Puzzle Pieces
There are no puzzle pieces I can fit together.
There is no variable I can solve for.
There is no formula I can follow.
There is no special ingredient I can buy.
There is only art upon the canvas.
There are only freehand swirls and lines.
There is only knowing intuition.
And preference for the picture I design.
Sunday 1st December 2024 5:26 pm
If Every Day is Pain
If every day is pain,
And every night is steeped in isolation,
I would go insane,
And I would cling as well in desperation,
Drinking drops of rain
To get your fill
From desert's dehydration-
I enjoy the tropics here,
Monsoons ensure my mind is clear.
Sunday 1st December 2024 5:18 pm
Wanting's for Bad Kids
Validation would be nice,
A kiss, a touch,
Too bad my body
Makes me squirm,
Too bad the inside's cold and hollow,
So the firmest grasp
Would feel so undeserving,
Unwarranted, indeed unnerving,
I know that I could get what I want,
And it still wouldn't change a thing.
- I can't be fixed from the outside.
Cardboard boyfriends melt in the rain.
It's probably ...
Sunday 1st December 2024 5:08 pm
Tidal Lock
You've got me in a tidal lock,
You'll only ever see one face,
The one you pull, and stretch, and squeeze-
The real one faces outer space.
You've got me frozen, stuck in fear,
Unable to avert my eyes,
Unable yet to turn my head,
To break free from your tidal dread.
Monday 11th November 2024 3:02 am
This Isn't Love
This isn't love,
This is pathology.
And this isn't a crush,
This is necrotic neurobiology,
This a dark, twisted desperation,
Barreling through the night,
I am your sharp, fearful desperado,
Wielding a sword of fright.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:58 am
I Escaped
I escaped.
But I still hear bombs dropping.
I found refuge,
But just like the fish flopping,
The shore may be sunny,
There's peace on the riverbank,
But I gasp for water,
Or pray for a fish tank.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:57 am
Desert
Every so often my desert is watered,
4 to 6 inches of annual rainfall,
I drink it as I can,
But wait so patiently for months on end,
I'll sit so perfectly still,
I'll keep my back straight, meet my obligations,
I'll be so good and deserving for when the rain decides to arrive.
But what do I do in the meantime?
Dream of pools and lakes and bays and oceans?
I'll kick rock...
Monday 11th November 2024 2:54 am
A Single Man
A single man,
Adrift at sea,
Treading water.
If he calls
And no one hears him,
Did he make a sound?
And navy seals
Guard his perimeter
Against the slaughter.
He sets forth in a straight line,
Sooner or later, land will be found.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:51 am
My Life Is an Experiment
My life is an experiment,
We'll see how this shit goes.
Though God has struck up every match,
I never seem to glow.
Each second passing, one by one,
With each a chance arrives.
But I will sit so ever still
And watch them passing by.
My life is an experiment,
Hypothesis unknown.
I'll do as any lab rat should,
And walk the maze alone.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:37 am
You Need Our Brains
And yes,
I lost my keys,
And no,
I don't remember
Names or dreams,
My head is off in future lands,
It makes no space for dates or plans,
So sue me if my destiny
Is keeping track of this world's needs,
But by my understanding,
You need my brain for the next world's planning.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:34 am
Still a Little Girl Inside
Heels so high,
And robes so wide,
She clutches her paper
Impossibly tight,
And although she
Made it with a
Future bright,
She's still a little girl inside.
Mother watches,
Father's scotches
Clink in the glass
As the painter swatches
Alabaster and eggshell white,
The child aspires with all her might.
Though mother's scoff rings in her ears,
Sh...
Monday 11th November 2024 2:33 am
I Live Next to a Family
I live next to a family.
They will not take me in.
The orphan comes and goes,
They wave goodbye, he waves hello.
I live next to a family.
They offer all I need.
My sniffing around for crumbs
Becomes the paradigm of greed.
The orphan waits for fostering
For hours at a time.
I live next to a family that never once was mine.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:29 am
Pace at the Racetrack
Racing,
Spinning,
Plexiglass
Will keep me trapped
on looping paths.
Back and forth I pace,
As time erases
Every chance I have.
Bouncing off the walls,
I stay contained
Within these mental stalls.
The fence appearing infinitely tall -
There's nowhere farther down left to fall.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:25 am
Myself and I
Loneliness proves quite the guest
When your only friend is yourself.
We keep in tight accordance,
Though we dream of somewhere else.
Myself and I, our hands are tied,
I'd rather run, he'd rather hide,
But each of us knows better than
To kick the one who's cast aside.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:21 am
You're Like the Wind Chill
You're like,
The wind chill,
Icy,
The sting kills,
Sunny,
The skies stay,
You ruin them
Anyway,
You make,
The good bad,
The Spring time,
A winter pad,
It could have been
So nice,
You sting me,
With thin ice.
Monday 11th November 2024 2:18 am
You Did This to Me
Your impulses robbed me of my childhood.
Your explosions scared me half to death.
Your spinning wheels brought me to tears,
And my tears caused more outrage, so I stifled my breath.
Yet somehow in the midst of your rage
You were never the monster.
Somehow in the sea of frustration
I still craved your love.
Somehow your smile took away
All the fear and depression.
...Monday 11th November 2024 2:15 am
You Think You're So Smart
You have all the answers, don't you
And you have solutions to each of my problems-
Tell me then, why do you spiral in circles,
And always stay stuck in the same damn place.
I was here trying to help you move forward,
To dig out your wheels from under the sand.
But here you are packing the beach back in again,
Thanking me kindly for extending my hand.
Maybe if you ...
Monday 11th November 2024 1:56 am
Escape Artist
Oh Houdini,
You're quite the escape artist,
Slipping away as soon as I arrive.
You live off being needed,
For your help they all have pleaded,
But when we need an open heart from you,
You run away and hide.
Unwound, for a moment, from these acrobatics,
You'll steer this ship til the break of dawn,
Then you fly to the sky in desperate contortions,
When I'm looking...
Monday 11th November 2024 1:52 am
Frustrated Funeral Director
How does a funeral director
Control unruly corpses?
How do you make the dead
Remain in their graves
When they climb out and force you to play?
How do the orphans get any quiet
When their parents are causing a riot,
The head mistress offers them
Pence on the dollar, in squalor,
It's better than shrinking down smaller.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:50 am
I & You
I
Keep going back and forth
You
Keep beating down the door
I
Ebb and flow amidst the moon tides,
You
Cast your net and trap a bird's eye
I
Want to dock on solid ground here
You
Push me overboard and steer clear
I
Know my home land when I see it
You
Will never stop to let me grieve it.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:49 am
Cigarette Stomps
Pits of ashes,
You can't hear me through your
Dots and dashes.
Screaming face,
You're stuck in place,
I walk away with grace.
You'll try to tell me I am wrong,
But I'll just walk along -
Thinking clearly,
Moving queerly,
Living life sincerely.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:47 am
If I Trusted Myself
If I trusted myself
I would end communication.
If I trusted myself I would
End the relationship -
The lack of relationship,
For what I am facing
Is something so empty
It sucks me in.
They are a black hole
Around which I rotate.
The singularity
Spaghettifies my mind.
Daily, I've tried giving up my feelings, my soul,
To avoid what's on the other side.
...
Monday 11th November 2024 1:45 am
The Watcher
I go through phases like the moon.
Sometimes I'm bright, sometimes invisible,
Sometimes I'm just peeking out
From the crowd,
But as soon as I'm spotted the
Teeth become rotten,
I beg I'm forgotten,
But here I am cursed.
Hoping to freeze I'm dragged
Up off my knees
And I stare as my hiding place
Fades in the breeze,
How I wish I could stay
Locked away
...Monday 11th November 2024 1:41 am
In For Questioning
*Click* Shine the flashlight,
Straight into my eyes,
Hold tight.
Feel the cold steel,
Making your appeal,
Don't fight.
Overhead lamp,
Swinging once again -
This is merely questioning,
You aren't in our custody,
But every flinch and blustering
Increases our suspicion.
Narrowed eyes examine you and
Notes are scrawled by experts who
Have pre-determined evi...
Monday 11th November 2024 1:39 am
Calabasas
Calabasas,
Eat molasses,
You don't know what crass is.
I've been hunting,
I've been preying,
While your skirts are swaying-
Stick your pole into the ground,
We hike the walls of Puget Sound,
I can't believe we counted minutes
While the hour hand passes.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:37 am
Head is on Backwards
My head is on backwards,
What have I done.
I run forward, blindly,
My eyes look behind me,
My arms are outstretched
As I run past my purpose-
At long last, I see it as it's drifting away.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:33 am
Apocalypse
Dropping bombs,
I run away,
Waiting to see the explosion
From behind a smoke screen.
You reach out,
Your hands decay,
Repulsed, I turn away.
I quench your thirst,
My words of love
Are nectar to your ears,
But if I step back,
Your affection rots to poison.
If you can't have me,
I become hated for treason.
Soft eyes on the oldest, most pitiful f...
Monday 11th November 2024 1:31 am
Mutiny
Waiting for the other shoe to fall,
Waiting for the backwards curtain call,
Rather than taking direction from the script,
It is the mutinous actors who call it quits.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:28 am
Therapy
Spinning in circles,
How long will I search for
Some answers,
An audience,
The answer is obvious,
But truth can be stated
Yet useless, debated by the
Very one offending,
My sanity up-ending.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:26 am
I'm Not the Match
I'm not the match,
And I'm not the gasoline,
I'm just the sticks that you're using as kindling.
You could have used the lumber
To build a palace, but instead,
You're doomed to fallacy-
You blame the ash and char
For every burn and scar.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:23 am
The Dead Wait
You're the dead weight,
I'm the freight,
I carry you around,
Why do I wait
For clean slates,
Aye, the dead wait.
Mind inside a crate,
Dig the grave
For my own sake,
Can't believe I wait,
The yoke breaks
From your dead weight.
Monday 11th November 2024 1:21 am
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