It was a strange

waking -

perhaps the wraith of a memory of a dream

lay with me,

offering some

hazed contentment

yet

a waking

knowing

the pillow

beside me

is

empty

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the pain of the vacant page                                      stage

for the dance

of my pen

the fear of the frozen mind                                        blind

  to the hope

 of a rhyme

the silence of an empty house                                spouse

to the song

of my word

the hush of unwanted time                                      chime

t...

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"Heavy Snow in Wales": 30th January 2019

A sheet of pure white covers her face: that land I thought I knew

frozen beneath its covering, buried ever deeper in its icy tomb

the contours I know so well:

every dip and valley; hill and gully

smoothed by this mantling shroud that descended

as time slipped slowly away, locking us in its white eternity

One last frozen tear d...

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Because I can no longer kiss you

no longer feel your skin

beneath my fingers

or hear you in the night

Because I can no longer call you

no longer sound your name

beneath my breath

or hear you whisper soft

Because I could not stop time passing

could not return time's sand

beneath its glass

or heal the wounds of time

Because I could not hold you here

could yet y...

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I only try to write of joy

But you only read my sorrow

She came to me by chance

I suppose that's always so

We sang the bodies' lively dance

She rescued me from woe

She came to me in passion

I only knew my lonely life

We dreamt our bodies' ration

She rescued me from strife

The tear you see escape my eye

Remembers only pleasure

The gasp of breath yo...

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As the rains came we followed

As the rains fell we listened

And walked towards the minister,

Passing by the dark grave wherein she lies,

To drop another daffodil, a final kiss from life,

On the pale box below.

And on, to cluster round beneath the trees

Circling the family, rooted by some strange harmony

Of communion: a drifting mass lost in loss.

On the hillside, as the ...

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O, where roams your delicate soul

Does it yet travel the seas

                gliding afar with the Arctic tern

                or is its delight in quieter waters

                in dappled river pools or streams

Is it content to rest in the cool damp shade of the willow

watching minnows play

                diving among the nymphs

                and sacred lotus

...

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Much more than half my life ago

Some chance led us to this place;

Now, my heart is caught and held

By the peace of its earth and space.

Some while past, when first she left me

I could not make my soul adjust

But cached it safe within the plot

Beside her memory and her mortal dust.

And as the family aged and spread

My lonely tenancy grew content

Past spectres...

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And then

            at my source

I was lost to your ocean.

Flowing... your endless bounty stole my direction

            your depths embraced

            your corals welcomed my load

I drowned in your currents.

My hands caressed

your waves

My body plumbed

your deepest sounds

Your pools

received

Your tides were constant

            I sw...

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The shock was solid as a punch

That left me breathless, faint, unmanned;

So obviously lost that chair and water came

And it was I – so very briefly – nursed

Until my mind began to grasp the truth it had shunned.

How could I not have guessed or known

The woe, the pain, the destruction?

After all these many years, my failure to feel –

My hiding from the very possibility ...

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The sound of one hand clapping

Who said that?

But I know what it means, now:

It is the lost beat of one heart loving

Not waving but drowning

I know that one:

Both origin and relevance now:

It is no pleasure, but one soul's need

No man is an island, entire of itself

Sung, used, re-used

The obvious is no less poignant

Now that I've found and lost my land

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                                    After Ezra Pound and Giacomo Leopardi

And so you were

everything to me, that is now less than dust –

                        lost, captive of the soil

That surrounds and nourishes my soul.

And so now I –

still stranded, umbral shade of past desire – 

                        left, am guardian of sad recall

watching branch and blo...

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In those darkest, darkling months

when both belief and hope were lost

when love was stretched taught beyond endurance

when pain and understanding spiralled

Still

There was some doubt of destiny:

could love be snatched away;

and child a mother lose?

A new reality to supplant all we knew

                                                                        and dreamt.

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Yesterday, the sun shone black upon my soul

Depth's depth deep beneath my heart.

Lumined ne'er by hope

Thoughts sank weighted low

Today, dawn'd, in heaven's mantle rais'd,

Glims golden future in my mind.

Light lightened all by future faith

Heart, mind and soul exalting up

Her voice love levered up, returned it from the depths

Dark voids where happiness was stra...

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