I saw you there sweating
while under the shade
screaming, "stop that now" 
and you threw a book
thump
straight out in front of you
onto faded grass.

You ordered him, "Go! 
Pick it up, you useless child"
A well-dressed boy in a school cap 
cowered to gain the book 
brought it back to you; 
you dropped it
Twice! 
So he had to pick it up again, and again
while you admonished him for ...

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My wings are brown, not black and shiny.
I'm always peeping out through leaves.
I try and keep above the fear trilling below,
I know they are ingesting bitter roots.
And yet I swallow their song all the same.
The empty smoke of hope that arises,
as I am the Blackbird mother sitting,
gathering material and protecting you,
refined in pointless expectation.
I am a gust of failure that ruins,
...

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I want to be alone,
but only within my family.
I want to to teach you
but only with him too.
I want to help myself
but only if you help me.
I want to be confident
but only if you are there.
I want to be creative
but only if you allow me.
I want to be a parent
but only if I’m parented.
I want to be an adult
but only if I can be a child.
I want to feel emotions
but only if you hold me...

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