In this oversized jacket 

I hold a feast of burdens.

Yet, the pockets are so large

they barely bulge.

Maybe they sink a little

under the weight of it all,

but the fabric, old and worn,

bears the burden placed upon it.

The tight, woven synthetic polyester

has held together for so long

with unrelenting strength.

Staying intact just enough

to remain a comforta...

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Despite it all, 

for the first time–

These arms don't feel foreign

and the doubt is gone.

I crave nothingness,

knowing it will lift me and hold me.

It will cradle my frame

as I sink.

The corner of my lips harbor sweet crumbs 

and my face is glowing pink

from the heat of the fire.

Sticky fingers. 

And as the blanket is lifted, 

My arms swing wildly, 

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And suddenly, 

the outside world is so enticing. 

Taunting. 

But instead, I'm going to bed 

after cutting my hair with crazy scissors 

and not brushing my teeth or washing my face.

I've tired out my body by swiping through bodies,

discarding them by swiping left on my dating app of choice. 

Tonight, they will seek phone sex with

another virtual woman

because I am...

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The next time you cut down the olive branch

I hope you realize that such a limb will not always be there.

With abuse, anger, and violence

That limb may fall.

Too fragile to support the weight of such a heavy soul.

The next time you cut down the olive branch

I hope you realize that such a limb has weaknesses of its own.

With threats, beratement, and indifference

That li...

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In my hand, 

I hold my sister's spite,

my mom's frustration,

and my own anger. 

My fist is closed so you cannot see 

the contents.

You see raw knuckles, 

washed with vigor

under scathing hot water and harsh dish soap

until my skin succame to 

cracking and discoloration.

My fist is not raised.

It is draped by my side.

The weight of my hand plague eac...

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And it is today I want to converse with you one more time,

To see you write in fluid cursive.

How did your handwriting stay so beautiful through your

years of medical schooling?

You were proud of your script, and I know

your penmanship is an enduring reminder of your devotion

to life-long learning.

You took much pleasure in actively engaging in this process of becoming.

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And suddenly, 

the outside world is so enticing. 

Taunting. 

But instead, I'm going to bed 

after cutting my hair with crazy scissors 

and not brushing my teeth or washing my face.

I've tired out my body by swiping through bodies,

discarding them by swiping left on my dating app of choice. 

Tonight, they will seek phone sex with

another virtual woman

because I am...

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I find myself asking many questions.

They are often easy to answer, and,

without a second thought, the answers are

hard to question.

I ask

What makes someone perfect?

Perfect is giving all of you to everything you do,

Perfect is achieving success no matter the sacrifice,

Perfect is the absence of flaws.

But I am not perfect.

I am riddled with fears and ...

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My reality is easily clouded

by falsified pictures of Defeat and Miscalculation.

Such images skew my vision of the bonds I've built until

I struggle to see beyond my own clenched fist.

And on my first day immersed in the

sticky New England climate,

I stripped Bare.

My sudoriferous skin

a result of both suffocating heat and

Newborn Collegiate Fear.

I became instan...

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I am so sorry that 

I am hurt. 

I tread so lightly,

always mindful

of the social hierarchy.

I take note of the

power you have. 

I witness the conversations you indulge in, 

the way your face lights up

while I am left in the dark.

In the dark, I dream

of the days where I laughed

in the used car parked in

the convenience store lot. 

We indulged in ...

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I am the before picture–

Scars litter my body, and

my figure apologetically curves

in all the wrong places.

I need to be smaller–

because as my body shrinks,

my value expands,

like a balloon filling with air.

Only instead of becoming more,

there is none of me left.

I need to occupy less space–

my very being diminished

by means of new ways to count to

o...

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You don't give a flying fuck–

It's admirable.

Really.

It is.

But this time,

You are wrapped in weakness,

enveloped in the unknown.

But this time,

You have no control,

and your sly jargon

is no match for your

raw exterior.

Its hands once were supple

and smelled of sweet lavender.

They are now brittle and cracking.

It will feel foreign...

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my dear,

you are moving, 

though not nearly 

fast enough for your liking. 

look at the tracks you've made–

pillars that stands behind you. 

you no longer have to sink into 

the depths of the cold beneath you.

you have made a trail for yourself

if only you keep going. 

my dear,

you are making progress,

though not nearly

fast enough for your liking.

eac...

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I listened to both the albums by that one

band you told me about when you were fifteen.

Each word was an anthem, a prayer to be worshiped.

Not to be questioned.

I believed every single one of them.

But here I am: 

Sleeping without the covers on and the window ajar

so I can hear the faint, monotonous gas station melodies

Filling a silence that I cannot shake alone. 

...

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Remember 

how you were a single flower

In an evergreen forest?

The weight of the branches

smothering your chances of survival. 
 

But.

Remember

how you found energy

falling from the clouds in bright streaks of light:

rays that came from the heavenly bodies.

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City lights merely a blink from my window

Fields become geometric puzzles;

calculated precision.

Flashes of car headlights weaving through their hectic lives,

but I am a separate entity

standing witness to everything diminishing,

finally at peace.

Loud melodies have ultimate authority;

I can hear nothing else.

I can think about nothing else.

I am present.

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My mom took me to the second hand store, 

Where I roamed the aisles 

Unsatisfied by the lack of conformity.

The clothes did not resemble the brands I was taught to marvel.

On the first day of class my first year of high school

My classmate told me that Jewish people are

Cheap. 

Stingy. 

Selfish. 

But my Jewish family was not religious. 

I decided that I was not J...

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Though the moments are select,

this is the hour I decide to leave it all.

I will desert the little comfort familiarity holds

to reap the reward of failed responsibility.

I will taint the trust and truth built so deliberately

for the sweet taste of affection.

I will hold the body of my own deliberations,

if not for physical companionship, 

then for the innate value...

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It's the feeling of forever;

a long, endless highway.

Reckless? Yes. 

Lonely? Even more so.

But I entertain the notion–

if only for a minute–

as it dilutes

the stranded and hopeless

blues that plague

the Night. 

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The Other Side of Faith

The sorrow flickers in her eyes;

reflects back at me.

Desolation.

Her face, cornered by fear;

stares back at me,

steady.

engulfed

only by her thoughts; yet

her figure Trembles as it moves

through the light.

she wastes away:  

Fantasies of makeshift days that

crawl to an end

Morph into Despair.

she is Hopeless to the eye...

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Another darkness blankets the sky,

where distress circles until confronted.

I cannot explain exactly how,

But these thoughts are not intrusive, 

However unwanted they may be.

I think it is because I see truth 

In the words that brandish knives—

I am fearful that the words are right,

Because my mind offers no other explanation.

The darkness is a cesspool;

Was...

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For You

She is violent. 

One individual. 

Acting as Her Own Unit.

One. 

a Unit. 

Trying to stay Together.

the rubber band Snaps

as You pull

Attachment stays static. 

Did you know that

great philosophers say

Power is in the People

but we are Both an Individual.

Where does the power go?

Some say it goes to the Strong

But you are Weak. 

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This feeling is so foreign—

As if I am standing witness to 

The world operating so smoothly

Without me. 

With me. 

With me purely an observer.

This feeling is so foreign—

As if I can not shake 

This slight constant discomfort

That makes every breath just a little heavier

And every thought just a little more

Depressing?

Is this depression?

I am an ou...

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