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humour (Remove filter)

Rzhepiks (something funny)

And in the refrigerator at night

Food is more useful and right

                    ***

Nothing is forever under the star

Started my doctor from afar

                    ***

About alcohol - I know my norm as such

But I can’t drink so much

                     ***

You are very chained by  brain

Let me loosen the chain

                  ***

Olga's heart is made of ...

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humour

Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

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humour

Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

Read and leave comments (0)

humour

Smart Little Johnny


This story happened in one school 
But … for God’s sake, keep cool,
it can't be taken as a rule.
Once when a teacher of math fell sick
A teacher of physical education came, named Nick.
He wanted to show how intelligent he is,
So he said: Solve my problem please!
-A car moves at a high speed.
To go to Spain a plane I need.
Can you tell me my age
If I read a book on the last page,
a pea...

Read and leave comments (0)

humour

Humor

Humor
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky, 
But some are so boring, 
All night snoring.
***
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking
***
It’s so difficult to be kind
When all around are blind
***
She has found a coin in her bed.
It was pleasant to know
That someone wants to come back.
***
Yesterday was early, 
Tomorrow will be lat...

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humour

Humor

Humor
After drinking whisky
Some men are so frisky, 
But some are so boring, 
All night snoring.
***
I will not give up drinking
But I will go on thinking
If I should give up smoking
***
It’s so difficult to be kind
When all around are blind
***
She has found a coin in her bed.
It was pleasant to know
That someone wants to come back.
***
Yesterday was early, 
Tomorrow will be lat...

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humour

No, I Am Not!

Answering the question if she is friendly with alcohol,

she replied honestly:

No, I am not.

But the relationship I support.

 

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Rzhepicks 2013

 

No matter who,

No matter where,

No matter when,

It only matters why and what for.

 

***

Yesterday was early,

Tomorrow will be late,

Today I have no time.

 

***

You can’t train in a gym?

 You want to look young and slim?

Stay close to the old ones and fat.

There are many ways to skin a cat.

 

***

Sometimes I think:

Her...

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lifehumour

haiku

 

Went to treat my nerves
Will come back in the morning
Drunk tender horny

 

Larisa Rzhepishevska

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I Am Unique

 

I couldn't become the best.

I couldn't become worse than all.

I couldn't become as the rest.

So?  What is left?

Yes, my dear friend Nick!

You have to know that…

I am unique!   :)))

 

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

The 16th of September, 2012

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humour

That's My Odessa

 

Odessa.

Early morning.

Sonia is yawning.

Her dressing gown is satiny.

This night was just a symphony

in a company of her Antonie.

She was sure he was her destiny.

All they did was in such a harmony.

With those thoughts she went to the balcony.

But … suddenly she has heard a noise.

It sounded with an irony.

It was her neighbor’s voice.

L...

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My Only Love

 

I feel so bad without you,

All my dreams are about you.

I lie in bed, thinking of only you.

 

You are my dearest and nearest,

The only one and sweetest.

Out of all you are the greatest.

 

You are so delicate and good

You quickly change my mood.

Your love I prefer to any food.

 

I love you so much, my darling.

You always look so charming,

...

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humour

From the Dating Site

 

I am tall one when on the hills.

Kind one if he my life fulfils.

Would like some battles with him .,,, but…

Only in case if he doesn't destroy my skills.

 

©Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)

The 13th of February, 2012

 

 

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Rzhepicks

 

I am smarter than all but it’s not noticeable. Want someone who wants me. Hippopotamus – there are so many nice sounds. Under the coat was a goat. It was sunny and funny in bed with my dearest lad. Control shot has changed a lot. A sad glance. Are you my last chance? The dream was such a charm! But the noise of the alarm…! Feet prevented...

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humour

The First, The Second, The Third

 

The first: I went to bed with your wife.

The second: How do you like the first?

The third: She wants to stay with me.

-The first: I don’t live with my wife.

The second: She has AIDS.

The third: How do you like the second?

 

 

Do you think that

A toilet bowl is just a hole

For your feces

Or for your ass?

It can be a place for your face...

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Rzhepicks

 

May be I am not as strong as it seems to be,

But I am not as weak as someone wants me to be.

 

It’s not the question of whom to marry,

It’s the question what to do with the rest:

Gary. Larry, Barry, Jerry……

   

            A drunken man shouted as his voice allowed:

            Where am I? I feel like to cry!

            You are in Soho square if to be ...

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humour

To Be Or Not To Be?

 

To be or not to be on diet?

That is the question!

I think I won’t.

I better prefer an entrecote.

I certainly love to eat,

My favorite dishes are so sweet.

I never ignore a cake.

How delicious is a juicy steak.

Sandwiches with caviar,

Spaghetti and meatballs,

Pilaf and goulash,

Cucumbers and fish …..

Why should I lose weight?

To eat is ne...

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humour

Rzhepicks

 

Time flies so fast!

It’s a pity

you are leaving

at last!

             ***

If you don’t believe in love at first sight

look at me once more from another side,

I hope you’ll see something to adore.

             ***

I am thinking to give up drinking.

But how can I do that?

I am in the greatest fear

as beer costs less than milk.

Isn’t it t...

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humour

RZHEPICKS

 

If you have nothing to say keep quiet,

If you have nothing to show you are retired.

                           ***

Everyone could be much wiser

If that one would find a sympathizer.

                            ***

Any plan without intent –

The essence of a content.

                             ***

Her conscience is so transparent and clean

That it w...

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humourlife

RZHEPICKS

 

Buy this watches

With diamond blotches!

They are like Swiss made.

Ok! Here are dollars hand made.

                  ***

Reading his emails

I imagined a prince from tales.

But …when we met

Without any regret

I told him frankly

When he looked at me blankly:

Farewell, my dream!

We can’t be in one team.

                  ***

-You are a ...

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humour

RZHEPICKS

 

The one who laughs the last

Don’t understand the joke so fast.

                    ***

You are so fashionable

And  I am not profitable.

                     ***

I sell watches.

For the one who watches watches

50 dollars per hour.

For the one who buys

30 dollars with a prize.

                      ***

He is richer than me for 10 years.

 ...

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RZHEPICKS

 

Do not protest!

As it’s the best!

After doing nothing

To have a good rest.

                  ***

A soul wants a picture,

An ass - an adventure.

                ***

I am always polite,

And think I am right.

When I send him to hell

I always recall and ask

If he is well.

                ***

There is something absolutely English

In t...

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humour

RZHEPICKS

 

They say: Time is money.

I have a lot of time

But…have no money.

           ***

If you don’t have enough money

You better don’t call her

You are my honey.

            ***

I am looking for a husband and a friend.

If they come together I’ll withstand.

            ***

You’ve come – Thank you!

You’ve left – Thank you very much!

             ...

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humour

Rzhepicks

 

Mirror is the means of communication

and good relations

with the one you love.

             ***

Better to be smart and sometimes dull

than dull but sometimes smart.

             ***

If she says ‘no’

it means she wants just to talk.

If she says ‘yes’

it means she wants a long walk,

without any talk

But….. with  a good f…

             ***

...

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humour

I Am Laura's Stomach

 


 

It’s Monday morning, she’s got up.

When I asked her for breakfast

she told me to shut up.

When I asked her for my porridge

or at least for an orange

she told me to keep quiet

as from today she was on diet.

She has noticed cellulite

and decided to get rid of it.

In the day time it was a real crime,

she didn’t put anything inside me,

...

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humour

I Learn And Study English

 

- Let’s start from the very beginning!

- Ok, I know, it’s a very good place to start.

- If you want to know how to read

you have to learn the alphabet.

As far as we are not in a race

you can face 26 letters in one phrase.

“The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog”.

Now we’ll have some dialogue.

You’ll see how new words appear,

I hope everything will...

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humour

Humour

 

Some men are so energetic,

Earn money working hard.

Their words are so poetic,

That’s what you regard.

But...after drinking alcohol

They become worse a bull,

They behave like a monkey,

They spend money like a donkey.

 

 

 

 

A woman who drives a car at night

 

Can shine as the moonlight.

 

You will notice her by all means.

...

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humour

I am on diet

I’ll put on diet my fattish ass

So that the doorway I could pass.

I’ll do some exercises to lose weight

As fat asses I just hate.

I would like to look a model of super class

Or may be like a slander lass.

I know it’s too bad to amass fat,

But…while rhyming this couplet

I am looking at an apple pie

And a big saliva appears in my eye.

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humour

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