The dogs are taking me for walkies

they've dragged me out in the dead of night

It's 2am, my hair is a mess

To the graveyard I could give a fright!

There's these two hairy brutes on the end of the collars

who just need a dump and a wee

''Pleae slow down as you drag me along''

I wimper with my voice in a plea

They sometimes forget I'm on the end of their leads

as...

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Tis in the year sixteen hundred and twelve

and the old hags of Taberoux

are sat around in their hovels

making familiars and potions grow

Old Bessie has just turned  seventy-three

and has one arm and one eye

''She's in league with the devil himself, she is''

we hear the village folk cry

Young Margaret is but a child of ten 

and already learning the skills

to ...

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Oh I do love hanging around Waterstones

I could spend all day in their stores

They've got books on every subject imaginable

spread over multiple floors

I've got one from there about horror films

and another on King Tutankhamun

Waterstones are jam packed with all kinds of goodies

piled high wall-to-wall in every room

We go wandering excitedly into the store

and ...

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''Listen 'ere mush'' I growled to Mark

as he grabbed all the duvet for himself

''I demand my fair share of it

or you'll be sleeping by yourself!''

''But I'm COLD'' he moaned miserably

tucking the duvet under his chin

''I've got it wrapped around meself

and tucked me little tootsies in!''

''That's OK with me'' I replied

''but I'm laying here totally bare!

Not...

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It puzzles me how anyone can touch those

Fake and false eyelashes I'm talking about

above the eyes, by the nose

They look so much like those creepy centipedes

and when I see those fake things my blood pressure exeeds

the normal limit it should be

My eyes popped with fright when I did see

a big hairy one flopped out on the floor

I really don't want to encounter any more!

...

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