Always on guard of the love you claimed was ours

as I looked up at the stars 

I realized I was holding onto too hard

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A series of self reflection 

unhealthy questions

our rose colored phase with twisted lessons and a mutual obsession our souls connected as I throw a cruel test in 

how much of me can you take or is this fate I’m lost in a paradise I refuse to break

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You were never mine

Quick witted but with a weak spine

Your actions are predicted 

conditional love that’s bound to die in time

How you act has me sickened and I refuse to loose my mind

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I hope you’re haunted by the love you lost in the chaos you twisted and turned 

I’ll be the dove hanging onto the wire you burned 

In the quiet you conjure up all the spirits who will never return 

As I hold onto empty words 

How you tortured me in this chapter 

Cheers to your happy never after

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I would always seek refuge in you

But you could never love me the way I wanted you to

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You love calling me crazy too

Lying holding your breath you’re turning blue

As I start calling out your other muse

Said I’m the only one that you choose

Feeding me another empty excuse

You swung giving me the ugliest bruise

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No privacy 

Stealing pieces that belong to me 

When you come home I pretend to sleep 

Not feeling at peace a little uneasy

Consumed by the fear of leaving

-Micro possessive it’s the little things that send a big message

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Nervous wreck In self defense 

saying you feel the water up to your neck 

all the things you can’t forget 

washed up memories of what’s left

burning in the fire to resurrect in the flesh anxious cigarette breathe

never mind the burning in my chest

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Lonely heart open ache melting brain 

filling my insides with smoke so I forget my name 

I only wanted love but I ended up driving myself insane 

my life is good I can’t complain except when I look into past mistakes 

Stuck in the memories sealing my fate

Growing up i was happy in a tragic way 

Fallen behind collecting shame 

I fell in love with a different person everyday to ...

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Heavy eyes catch the light I’m done with fights 
help me synthesize 
Shifting lies
Something you can’t see between the lines
Hiding behind my own demise 
Constant fear builds inside 
Strike my pride 
This isnt the love I’ve been waiting for all my life
 

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He said she’s got a thing for musicians and leaving them speechless

don’t smother her with kisses she’ll loose interest and check it off her to do list 

She’s ruthless stealing arrows from cupid

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my thoughts havent been clean i apologize for my actions in my heads painted a dark blue color sheme in betweens a little bit of you and a lot of me

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i see you once a week and in my head i have these expectations that you say you cant meet

i thought this was what i wanted but i caught myself feeling cheap wiring out my brain cells so i cant feel the chaos when it leaks

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everything i owe is to you whats a girl to do

torn between a picture of two look me in the eyes youd never have a clue

the memories are shaky images of blue its been months still the hurt feels new

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youre a hard pill to swallow my hearts filled with love but its hollow

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cheers to the great escape writing out my history of growing pains challenge myself to a new fate learn how to handle the breakup phase because you traded me in for a shallow face lied about my name to keep yours safe i guess thats how life is when youre sleeping in empty graves

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Maybe I’ll just listen to myself sing that might be more depressing even when I think I’m getting a little closer I get ignored pushed a little further I can’t be drawn out under covers the question wonders dirty secrets I know you’d never keep it but still under my disguse I thought youd shelter me out the clear can see I’m hurting a broken piece you never left for good I guess I’m just here for ...

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It fills an empty space in my chest I can't congest you made me feel easy no contest 

 My swollen feet can tell the rest

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Feed on my insecurities bless me with broken things

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I hear romance fade slowly like the helium from the heart shaped balloon in your room

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Tell me all about your distorted moods how society's given you a twisted point of view

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You're refreshingly crazy 

raised by wolves kind of baby 

stay up late to shake off the lazy maybe you can save me

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We do things how we've always done it but around here that's not gonna cut it

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i dont think i can have one glass of wine if i have one, i'd rather have five.

i stood there in shock at what ive become, i grew in releif when i realized i was finally strong enough to change.

i know i'll forever be tainted with grief of why i let you into my brain and infest it with gloom.

when i see you i want to run up to you and give you a hug i want to tell you everything ive experi...

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i wish i couldve kept you along the way
it seems i give myself a attitude that has a vivid tounge unable to change 
on and on you talk back at me how i need to choose a safer pace
catching a  break from some memory following me around your empty grave
 

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i miss waking up early in your grandparents house and me driving to the mcdonalds right down the street to get coffee with whatever little amount of money we had at the time then we'd go back to your house and get high
i miss laughing with you i miss all your pets i miss your mother
 

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i walk around hoping to not show the shadow sitting on my shoulders he whispers different emotions and thoughts of fear into my ear.

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Sometimes I'll just drink coffee for breakfast I'm sorry I picked up a pack of cigarettes sometimes I need the chemicals to shake off the stress or something else craving destruction in my chest

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You said how much do I have to pay to get you to stay i said don't you know to never treat a girl that way 

We may have disagreed in the past with contrastI love you in the wrong light I think we're living the same fight

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i burnt my eyes for you!!! i stared into the sun for hours for you!!! and you wont even take a glance for me?? what is it that hollows out my heart to be filled with smoke and empty friends all i ever wanted was for sour candy to touch my tounge but instead i got a pile of dead worms shoved down my throat! this is what i get for having a kind heart? i never wanted your dark moon love for i thought...

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the silk fills up my lungs as you write a fake love song
i think i like to the thought of you more when your gone
these are the things i keep hidden it feels too raw
how i give out pieces of my heart to be twisted by a fraud
i always knew you'd lie in his presence of the things you saw
you talk of flying solo but hold hands with anyone who hangs thier head low

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no one picks up my calls i guess im alone after all
one big joke given to me as a set of flowers when the petals fall off i realize there's a note with a bomb saying your running out of hours
i think my headaches bring a new shade of disturbance and what i cant face
i think the lights been taken away and i cant put this into a positive phrase
i let myself down and everyone in this town
whats ...

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maybe my love is too heavy for you, but to me its more like art

something you cant understand, because you dont appreciate the absract pieces in my heart

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i told you i was fragile and you threw me across the room

then asked me why i shattered and cried past noon

you yelled at me for getting the broken pieces stuck in your chest

said you cant handle someone whos life is such a mess

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I was looking back at your old photos and comparing them to how you breathe today

what a change in someone whos still the same

i wonder how fast the butterflies race in your brain

do they transform the chemistry to something in vain

youve never been one for games all you do is drive yourself insane

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i find myself staring away from the sun i dont want to see what your heart has strung now all i have is a scar and a sip of rum

i think we all ache for a sacred place where intruments play and no ones afraid

one thing ill admit im ashamed of the choices ive made everyone wants a round of applause for giving the same amount of blame

leave me alone with feelings that come to shape when ther...

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i feel like a liar in my own skin a mutant mixture of feelings locked in a vault hidden away

i dont think human contact is for me i must belong to another dimension

the light comes and goes

everytime i broke my phone you gave me love letters with all the best poems we found together

im a overwhelming lover with guilt melting in my finger tips

tell me why you wanted to love me how yo...

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how many angels do you cast under your wing. how many demons do you hold in disbelief. why does the lightning rise when i dont feel at ease. here is comes the death of commitment and holy trees. how all we have is a society that kills every feeling weve ever seen. all i want is to forget all the nasty men who want a piece.

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sorry im so insecure sorry i cant handle my liquor sorry i choose to make a dramatic change to cancel you out the feelings bitter.

i find myself falling into the days like a mirrored picture all the people walking in my brain manipulate my answers still i find a image of darkness blooming into a light so pure the angels grow eerie.

why do i pick out the rotten fruit to paint colors on my cei...

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are you numb to the reaction like me, have you bitten off more than you can chew to breathe. do you scream out all your secrets to feel free. can you justify why they leave or are you caught between two wrongs and a right to feel at ease.

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all the feelings shoot through me at a hundred miles per hour straight to the brain. BOOM. consumed. it feels like someone else takes over for a moment. this person is filled with rage pulls at my hair, wants to slice open my skin and scream to the heavens "why do i even exist let me drop dead". all of these thoughts come to mind. poison poison poison. thats all they are to me. once i come back to...

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the devil has an interesting way of corrupting us. he knows our weaknesses. he knows what we love. he even has hold of our deepest secrets. now tell me how is this possible for god to let us be tempted by such evil. im starting to see its all apart of his plan. how much can we really resist. how much do we really need god. i find the devil greeting me first thing in the morning with a twisted thou...

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I've really been pushing the envelope up in smoke and haven't choked told my bestfriend Im gonna kill myself as a bad joke I remember seeing blood on his tounge when he spoke now I understand the heartbreak of letting go 

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i can never understand how we are all programmed to be so cruel. why do we focus excessively on the outside while dimming down the beauty on the inside? why do we love to point the finger? why do we love to bring others down to make ourselves feel better? why is money everything? why is it all about who you know? who structured us to be this way? always comparing ourselves to each other instead of...

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letting go of alcohol is difficult but id rather be able to live my life without worrying about what bad decisions im going to make next while drunk. thats no way to live. i wish i was one of those people who has control when they drink. how do people drink so much as well as take all these drugs and continue to live. i feel like ill always be someone who doesnt have control when it comes to subst...

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do you ever feel so consumed with your own emotions everything spins like your swallowing oceans

when no one wants to give a helping hand but they want you to come party with the band

those times you shared too much then got a run away love making you feel less than enough

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I couldn't wait to see you and get my heart broken overwhelmed by the weight of my own consumption bad decisions made for a perfect moment 

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i think im a little off and so are you

we cut between rocks and swallow glue

i think of all the illegal things we get to do

behind the alleys walls we can sing our blues

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broken mind soaking red roses in dark lullabies

I thought we could give it one more try

should've known your hesitation was the cut between a hidden lie

I could've held your heart in a cradle but your unable to stay faithful

even when I cried to be your angel you killed me but came out the hero

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I know how your lonely you hide it in your eyes.
I feel tender waves in my blood stream, holding each other while we cry. They don't know empathy like you and I. spilling our guts to the ones who feel a little dead inside. 

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