State of Us
Intolerable acceptance, detached from chaotic reality,
we plunge progressively towards fabricated evolution,
embracing technological connectivity and simultaneous
dissolution of physical associations.
Attenuated perceptions of humanity at interent’s-length,
we surrender sentiment, favoring sheltered isolation,
disengaging from life’s unpredictable authenticity,
while content with animated verisimilitude.
Apathetic diligence, hidden behind eloquent verbosity,
we captivate the masses by disguising our duplicity,
propagating singular mentalities for unified hypocrisy,
through universalized vulgarization.
we plunge progressively towards fabricated evolution,
embracing technological connectivity and simultaneous
dissolution of physical associations.
Attenuated perceptions of humanity at interent’s-length,
we surrender sentiment, favoring sheltered isolation,
disengaging from life’s unpredictable authenticity,
while content with animated verisimilitude.
Apathetic diligence, hidden behind eloquent verbosity,
we captivate the masses by disguising our duplicity,
propagating singular mentalities for unified hypocrisy,
through universalized vulgarization.
Sun, 13 Dec 2015 12:15 am
Hi Marvin,
This poem uses a vocabulary that really expresses the isolation and technological complexity of the barriers between people in todays internet world.
I would want to take this poem if it was mine and rewrite it in a more anglo saxon english to find out if it was more accessible and communicated something more concrete as a result.
Almost every word has suffixes and prefixes to it so that the root meanings get more and more difficult to reach, and stringing them together into meaningful sentences gets harder. I am not faulting the grammar here at all. I am talking about reaching meaning.
Of course that echoes your point about being detatched from real life, but is that intentional? and do you reach for words with endings with -tion and -icity because they rhyme easily?
(I hope you don't take offense at my bluntness.)
This poem uses a vocabulary that really expresses the isolation and technological complexity of the barriers between people in todays internet world.
I would want to take this poem if it was mine and rewrite it in a more anglo saxon english to find out if it was more accessible and communicated something more concrete as a result.
Almost every word has suffixes and prefixes to it so that the root meanings get more and more difficult to reach, and stringing them together into meaningful sentences gets harder. I am not faulting the grammar here at all. I am talking about reaching meaning.
Of course that echoes your point about being detatched from real life, but is that intentional? and do you reach for words with endings with -tion and -icity because they rhyme easily?
(I hope you don't take offense at my bluntness.)
Wed, 30 Dec 2015 11:52 am
Marvin,
I would suggest that this could be re-named
`TABLET` (or whatever they call them in the states)
I`m not a great fan of prose poetry, but for a poem that is all intelligence like this, it seems to suit. For me the introductory `Intolerable` doesn`t fit the theme - nor does the `verbosity` at the end of line nine. The number of words ending in `ity` give it a sort of `slashing` effect (for me)
I can see what Freda means by accessibility. I wonder if was interspersed with sections-or stanzas-depicting folk actually slavishly using the things, then it might have more (pictorial) punch?
It describes what is actually happening to us exactly.
I would suggest that this could be re-named
`TABLET` (or whatever they call them in the states)
I`m not a great fan of prose poetry, but for a poem that is all intelligence like this, it seems to suit. For me the introductory `Intolerable` doesn`t fit the theme - nor does the `verbosity` at the end of line nine. The number of words ending in `ity` give it a sort of `slashing` effect (for me)
I can see what Freda means by accessibility. I wonder if was interspersed with sections-or stanzas-depicting folk actually slavishly using the things, then it might have more (pictorial) punch?
It describes what is actually happening to us exactly.
Sat, 2 Jan 2016 09:26 am