(What's all this bollocks about it being good for the mental health of the nation?)

 

Those days of heartache seem so long ago

But very soon I know

They’ll return on the TV and the radio;

This three month lock-down’s been so good for me

I’ve found it so stress-free

But now returns the misery

So let the heartache begin

It makes no difference – lose or win

And though we’re always slso-rans

As a Tottenham fan

I still can’t bear the pain, once it begins.

 

For state of mind they said it’s good for us

The high morale’s a plus

So why do I make such a fuss?

I tell you why; my stomach feels so sick

As though my nuts were kicked

Or maybe I’ve dosed on arsenic.

Because the heartaches begin

There’s no help, no medicine

Cos when the Spurs will play

On Saturdays

From Wednesday on my guts are in a spin.

 

This building nausea then grows and grows

As only fans can know

Cos your team will never ever let you go;

And years of faith have shown there’s nothing gained

Just Hope, Despair and Pain

You still return for torture yet again.

Once more the heartaches begin

A gut wrench from deep within

It sends me round the bend

God, let it end

I just can’t stand the pain once it begins.