And I'm comfortable

Sitting on your parents couch

Laying in your childhood bed

The referential jokes your mother makes 

That I actually understand now 

 

And I ask about each relative

Having done my best to memorize

The names and facts and face

I've become almost-family

An in-law

 

I come in and your mom remembers

To get me allertec 

As we comment on the family cat

Who's aging

But cuddlier every day

 

And beneath their sink

Is a set of drawers

Plastic, one for you 

And one for your brother

My stuff is in there

 

I have a tooth brush here

I have an eye mask spare

I know when they've repainted

And which floorboards creek

And how to unload the dishwasher 

 

And I like you

The feel of your forehead under my lips 

How we fit on the couch 

The smell of your pillows

The sound of your laugh

 

And when our life is full

Of board game nights

And family gathering 

And friends glore

It's good, it's full of good 

 

But when it's just us 

With nothing to hide behind 

And no distractions

No third person to fill the space 

Or keep things moving 

 

It's too quiet 

 

You don't get me 

You don't like my odds and ends

Or the way I sing when I'm busy

You don't hold me up 

Or show me off

 

You want space 

When I snuggle close

Or play with your hair 

And whisper sweet nothings 

In your ear 

 

You don't care for my poetry

You're indifferent to my art 

And you don't know how to help me 

When I'm anxious 

Or spiraling out 

 

You don't stand up for me 

You don't tell the world I'm wonderful

Surely I have some praises to sing 

But you don't even shine

When I sing yours 

 

The affection you give 

Is so lovely

And lord knows you're trying

But it's not enough

It's never been enough 

 

Without all the white noise

Without the trips

And friends 

And family gathering 

When it's just us 

 

When it's just us 

I feel alone

I feel ignored 

I feel like I'm trying

So so hard 

 

You love me

I know you love me

I love you

And I'm happy when I'm full

And life is brimming 

 

But lock us in a room

And the air grows stale

We need a medium

We don't fill each other up

With love that's bursting 

 

I want love that's bursting 

I want to connect so completely

That I call you first

On my bad days and good 

And you actually respond 

 

But I'm so comfortable

In your space

And I'd miss your parents house

All the places we were together

All our memories

 

I love our memories 

They fill me up

When did we stop making those 

When did we fill our life with others 

And when did we stop being enough