It hurts

In my chest, it hurts so much 

When he isn't there

But he's right across from me

 

Then I think about how much it hurts

When he's present

And sweet

And wants to hold me through the night

 

And I cling to him

For all the things I wanted to be

For all the things I wished for

For all the things I thought we were

 

And it's safe here

In his arms, its known 

I've cataloged all the hurts

I know the nooks, the crannies and the scars

 

I learned to live with them long ago

Never realizing

Never noticing how much they hurt

It was so much easier that way

 

I hurt and I close my eyes when he holds me

I breath in, and there's a sharpness in my chest

And I feel so incomplete, so vulnerable

Without my denial

 

And I want to go back so desperately

I want things to feel okay once more

I want to close my eyes and leave this nightmare

I just don't want it to hurt